SAW: Instant Messaging
by Mistress Of The Macabre
Summary: Instant messaging with some of the characters from Saw. Insanely random. Rated M for language. Enjoy!
1. Chat 1

_**Screen names:**_

**Jigsaw: **_HEEERESJOHNNY_

**Amanda: **_NOTAJUNKIEBITCH_

**Hoffman: **_Undercover_Badass101_

**Zep: **_ThemaninyourROOM _

**Eric: **_Aggro_cop13_

**Dr. Gordon: **_Dr. Peg-leg_

**Adam: **_SnapshotMan _

**Charles: **_ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF_

**Mallick: **_Utterly_Relaxed_

**Xavier: **_BehindyourMIND_

**Daniel: **_Danny-boy87_

**Strahm: **_The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU_

**Perez: **_ShrapnelHURTS. _

**Mark: **_Smooookin' _

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHHNY has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on. **

HEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Amanda. You don't know me, but I know you. I wanna play a game.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What is it this time, John? We've played scrabble, monopoly, snakes and ladders...should I get the backgammon set out?

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Can I play?

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Sure.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What are we playing?

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...

Undercover_Badass101: He doesn't have to tell us right now. He's Jigsaw; he can do whatever the hell he wants!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM, ZEP?

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Well, follow THESE rules! If you aren't out of my room by the time I count to three...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Thank God. So, what game are we playing again?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm trying to decide. What do you two prefer; poker or strip poker? Make our choice...

**Danny-boy87 has signed on. **

Danny-boy87: STRIP POKER! :-)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Would you even be _ALLOWED_ to play, Daniel? Your father...

Danny-boy87: He's a real hardass. He's probably got half the city looking for me just so he can find me and kick my ass for disappearing on him.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah, probably.

Undercover_Badass101: Amanda, why is Daniel even here?

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

**Danny-boy87 has signed out.**

Aggro_cop13: Where is my son YOU JUNKIE BITCH?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: RIGHT FUCKING HERE!

**Danny-boy87 has signed on. **

Danny-boy87: Aww...AMAN-DA!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has set her status as away.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Danny-boy87: WHAT?

Aggro_cop13: :-)

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: NOOOOOOO! DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEL! :'(

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has returned from away.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Is he gone...?

Undercover_Badass101: Obviously.

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Don't forget the rules, Charles. In two minutes, those nail bombs will go off...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's survival of the fittest!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has set his status to away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, have we decided on a game yet?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No, not yet, John.

Undercover_Badass101: I want to play regular poker. Be right back.

**Undercover_Badass101 has set his status to away.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has returned from away. **

NOTAJUNKIEBITCHL Dammit, he didn't die!

HEEERESJOHNNY: He played by the rules. Period.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on. **

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue you fucking bitch! It's survival of the fittest!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Uterly_Relaxed: Yeah, that's what he said when he bashed the crap outta me :'( Fuck you, Charles!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Re-lax.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has set her status as away.**

**Smooookin' has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Been playing with matches again, have we?

Smooookin': ...Not funny...

**Smooookin' has signed off.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you, Charles!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Re-LAX!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has returned from away. **

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: :-)

**Undercover_Badass101 has returned from away.**

Undercover_Badass101: Amanda, why is there blood on my quilt collection?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shit!

HEEERESJOHNNY: This is very amusing to read. Hehe. :-)

Utterly_Relaxed: Dude, he's asking you a question. Why IS there blood on his quilt collection? ANSWER ME!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: For the last time, RE-LAX!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: But I LIKE pissing you off...

Utterly_Relaxed: ...

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has set his status to away. **

Undercover_Badass101: AMANDA...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'm sorry!

Undercover_Badass101: ...Thank you. An apology won't replace the hundred-dollar quilt, though.

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Undercover_Badass101: ...like what?

BehindyourMIND: ...I dunno.

Undercover_Badass101: Well THAT sure helps, doesn't it?

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on. **

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: It's no use arguing, Hoffman. Everything has been pre-thought out by him.

SnapshotMan: You sound like you admire this prick.

BehindyourMIND: ...This is bullshit.

**BehindyourMIND has signed off. **

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Never did like that asshole.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I second that.

SnapshotMan: Shut up, Jigsaw!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this! You BASTARD FUCK!

ThemaninyourROOM: My name is not bastard fuck. My name is Zep. You should know that by now...LARRY.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

SnapshotMan: Hehe. Larry. Larry, Larry, Larrykins...

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

Utterly_Relaxed: Uh-oh...

**Utterly_Relaxed has set his status as away. **

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: LARRYKINS! :-)

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

Undercover_Badass101: Kid, you better get going...

Danny-boy87: okay, okay... Hehe, Larrykins!

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

SnapshotMan: Oh my God! Oh my God! No! Lawrence please, I'm begging you!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off. **

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has returned from away.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Phew...

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has returned from away.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Aw, shit...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Dammit, that assholes back. John, when are we gonna play this game?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I find this more amusing than playing poker...

Undercover_Badass101: JO-HN... :-(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Patience is a virtue, detective.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: EX-ACTLY.

**Undercover_Badass101 has set his status to away. **

HEEERESJOHNNY: He failed his test.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yay!

HEEERES JOHNNY: Shush, Amanda.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: EX-ACTLY.

Utterly_Relaxed: I'm so SICK of your self-righteousness, man.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Re-lax.

Utterly_Relaxed: For the last time...I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah, you sound it.

Utterly_Relaxed: Shut up!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Yeah, get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: WILL YOU STOP SAYING THAT?

Utterly_Relaxed: Yeah, asshole! Stop repeating yourself! You sound like a fucking broken record!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Well, so do you.

Utterly_Relaxed: How do you know that?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Because I have EYES.

HEEERESJOHNNY: This is interesting. Everyone, please continue.

**Undercover_Badass101 has returned from away. **

Undercover_Badass101: The blood won't come out of my quilts... :'( Amanda, you bitch! Why'd you have to bleed all over my precious quilts?

Utterly_Relaxed: This guy collects quilts...?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Apparently so. Get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you. Fuck you.

Undercover_Badass101: Yes, I collect quilts! SO WHAT?

Utterly_Relaxed: Dude, guys don't collect quilts...they just don't. Are you secretly a woman?

Undercover_Badass101: NO!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You sure about that, detective?

Undercover_Badass101: YES!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax.

Undercover_Badass101: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I was talking to the detective, Mallick.

Utterly_Relaxed: 'Kay then.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'm bored...

HEEERESJOHNNY: I, on the other hand, am quite entertained. This is much more amusing than watching Paul crawl his way through razor wire...

Undercover_Badass101: I agree. It's not our fault Amanda has the attention span of a potato.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: WHAAAAAAAAAT?

Undercover_Badass101: You heard me. This is payback for ruining my quilts, bitch!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, yes... there will be blood.

Utterly_Relaxed: How the fuck do you KNOW that?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Because I am John Kramer, and this is my world. You just die in it.

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, exactly. So shut up.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: YE-AH!

Utterly_Relaxed: Oh, for Christ sake...

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Say, who are you REALLY, detective? Because I haven't the faintest idea...

Undercover_Badass101: I'm...

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed on. **

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I'll stop you, you motherfucker.

Utterly_Relaxed: Who, me?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: No, the other motherfucker.

Utterly_Relaxed: 'Kay then.

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off. **

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Whoo! The asshole is gone!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda, hush.

ShrapnelHURTS: Amanda? As in Amanda Young?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shit.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

ShrapnelHURTS: I guess it was then.

Undercover_Badass101: No SHIT, Perez!

Utterly_Relaxed: Yeah, nice fucking try, Nancy Drew.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How did you walk out of that building?

ShrapnelHURTS: ?

HEEERESJOHNNY: ?

Utterly_Relaxed: ?

Undercover_Badass101: How did you?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: On a gurney with a fucking hole in my throat!

Undercover_Badass101: My heart BLEEDS for you, Strahm.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Very funny.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I thought it was quite amusing.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Shut the fuck up, you sick prick!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: That was weird...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Indeed it was. I am sorry, Special Agent Strahm, but there is where my input ends...I bid you all a very fond farewell.

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off. **

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off. **

ShrapnelHURTS: Was that John Kramer?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How do I open it? TELL ME HOW TO OPEN IT!

ShrapnelHURTS: Open what?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: This jar of peanut butter. I can't open it...

ShrapnelHURTS: Well, you can't open a jar of PB and type at the same time.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with YOU: I'll get you, you motherfucker. I'm gonna stop you, you son of a bitch!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off. **

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Damn now everyone's gone... :-(

Undercover_Badass101: I guess that means I win...game over, bitches. MWAHAHAHAHA. .

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed out. **


	2. Chat 2

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Rise and shine, Adam! :-) You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be... :P

SnapshotMan: Dude, I KNOW where I am! I'm at home, typing on my laptop...Why is there a camera in my shower?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on. **

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

SnapshotMan: So that's what this is. Reality TV. :/

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you...

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Thank you for that information, Zep. As you can see, our orderlies form very close bonds with the patients.

SnapshotMan: Are you calling me a patient?

Dr. Peg-leg: Yes. Now, I'm going to ask you a very complicated question. Think VERY carefully, Adam: What is your name?

SnapshotMan: My name is Very Fucking Confused! What's your name?

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Is your name really John, Dr. Gordon?

Dr. Peg-leg: What do you think?

SnapshotMan: What do you CARE what I think anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Don't talk to me about peanut butter...

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Wonder what's up with him?

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: You've obviously never been drunk before.

SnapshotMan: Yeah, I have! But that doesn't explain what happened to Strahm...

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed on.**

ShrapnelHURTS: It's a long story. You don't want to know, trust me.

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: I DO WANT TO KNOW!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Re-LAX!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better.

SnapshotMan: I'm confused...

Dr. Peg-leg: It's perfectly natural for those with inoperable brain tumours to become dazed and confused, Adam. You're perfectly OK :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: I believe it is ME who has the inoperable brain tumour, doctor.

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Dr. Peg-leg: And what do you suggest, Mister Drug King?

BehindyourMIND: I dunno just yet...

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, well, YOU'RE a smart cookie then, aren't you.

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: I'm so SICK of your self-righteousness, man.

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

BehindyourMIND: Get over it.

SnapshotMan: Huh?

BehindyourMIND: I mean stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I wanna play a game :D

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: What kind of game?

HEEERESJOHNNY: One with rules.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I know what we should play! Duck-duck-GOOSE! :D

Undercover_Badass101: ...how old are you, Amanda?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: 33. Why?

Undercover_Badass101: Never mind...let me know when you've decided what game you're going to play...

**Undercover_Badass101 has set his status as away.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: He's gone back to his quilting...

Utterly_Relaxed: You mean he's STILL into that shit?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah. So?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

Utterly_Relaxed: How the-How the FUCK do you know that?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Because I have EYES.

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you all and your fucking plan!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off. **

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Was it something I said?

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...

SnapshotMan: ...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

BehindyourMIND: ...You really want us to answer that?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Dr. Gordon's time is up...

SnapshotMan: Who's there? I'll kill you, you motherfucker!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Why is it that whenever I want to play a game, everyone ignores me? My games are epic, peeps! WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT? WHY OH WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M AWESOME?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I see it, John! You're the biggest badass around! Even better than Hoffman! (But that's not hard to do, because what sort of pussy does QUILTING?)

HEERESJOHNNY: Thank you, Amanda.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No problem, Jiggasaw!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Don't call me that. I find it...distasteful.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But I thought it really suited you... :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: KILLING IS DISTASTEFUL! ...To me...

SnapshotMan: ...ZEP IS FILMING ME HAVING A SHOWER! ARGH!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: How can you be on the computer if you're in the shower?

SnapshotMan: I'm using a water-proof mobile.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay.

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

SnapshotMan: This is the most fun I've had without lubricant! Make sure you're getting everything!

ThemaninyourROOM: Please stop throwing rocks at the camera. You're DAMAGING IT :'(

SnapshotMan: Exactly.

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this! You BASTARD FUCK!

ThemaninyourROOM: I thought we sorted this out the other day...LARRY. My name is NOT bastard fuck. My name is Zep.

BehindyourMIND: Get over it!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off. **

BehindyourMIND: Whoo! The asshole is gone!

Dr. Peg-leg: Is he still filming you, Adam?

SnapshotMan: Nope :D I broke the lens :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Well done, my brother-from-another-mother :D

SnapshotMan: Thank you, thank you... :-)

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, and welcome...

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE!

HEEERESJOHNNY: What are you talking about, we haven't even started yet!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You know, you really ought to keep a better eye on that kid.

Aggro_cop13: You kill my son, I kill you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Look closer, Detective Mathews.

Aggro_cop13: Hi. That close enough for you?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Holy shit, I didn't mean for you to get right in my face dude!

Aggro_cop13: One of the many wonders of webcam ;)

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: Why are you such a cop 24-7?

Aggro_cop13: It's called being a father.

Danny-boy87: Trust me, you're better at being a cop.

Aggro_cop13: :'(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: OOOH BURN!

Aggro_cop13: Shut the fuck up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: That wasn't nice, Charles.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Unfortunately, I already know too much about you...How does it feel to be shredded by nails bombs?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Remember the rules, Charles. If you piss me off...I'll make you look like Gus after he peeped through the peephole. XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda! Put...it...AWAY...

Danny-boy87: That sounds so...feral!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue.

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Danny-boy87: WHAT?

Aggro_cop13: They want to press charges.

Danny-boy87: They're assholes.

Aggro_cop13: Of course they are; you stole from them.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'm lost...what are they talking about, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: We-ell...Daniel stole your Barbie Doll. I didn't want to tell you.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: WHAAAT? DANIEL, AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH, YOU STOLE MY BARBIE DOLL? I'LL KILL YOU!

Aggro_cop13: You kill my son, I kill you.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, well, excuse me all to hell!

Aggro_cop13: Anyway, Daniel...

Danny-boy87: What have I done now?

Aggro_cop13: ...This works out good for me. Your mother gets custody, and I get to take you INTO custody. Woohoo!

Danny-boy87: Yeah, like I said before, you're better at being a cop than a father.

Aggro_cop13: :'(

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Everybody, play nice! We're going to play a nice, relaxing game that will calm everybody's spirits...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Duck-duck-goose?

HEEERESJOHNNY: No! Duck-duck-goose is...distasteful.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: :'(

Danny-boy87: Yeah, duck-duck-goose is kind of old...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: _You're _old!

Aggro_cop13: Very mature, junkie bitch.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Can't you read? I'm NOT A JUNKIE BITCH!

Aggro_cop13: Well, you're not Jigsaw either, bitch.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off. **

HEEERESJOHNNY: Zep, I can defend myself.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Why does he always say that anyway?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: What sort of sick game are you making that poor bastard play, Jigsaw?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off. **

HEEERESJOHNNY: To answer your question, detective, I'm not really sure...I think I was pretty trashed when I made up that particular game...

Danny-boy87: REALLY?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes.

Danny-boy87: Sweeeeeeet :-)

Aggro_cop13: Don't you even THINK about it, Daniel.

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: ...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Here we go...

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You know, we really should record this guy, and then put it on youtube. :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hehe. Piranha... :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ?

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Never mind.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay. So, have you decided on a game yet?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I was thinking of cops and robbers, but Eric's clearly in no shape to play that one...

Aggro_Cop13: DANIEEEEEEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: See my point?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah, I do. Man, this sucks!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Just a tad.

Aggro_cop13: Where is he you JUNKIE BITCH?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Not this AGAIN...Eric, Daniel's sitting opposite you on the FRICKIN COUCH!

Aggro_cop13: ...Oh.

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Guess it's just us now...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Want to help me eat this jar of peanut butter?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...Sure! :-)

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on. **

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: DON'T DO IT! PEANUT BUTTER IS DEADLY!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Just because YOU can't hold your PB...

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Shut up... :'(

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I was supposed to die in that trap...

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has returned from away.**

Undercover_Badass101: ...Dammit, I missed everything!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed out.**


	3. Chat 3

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Mr. Hindle. Or, as they called you around the hospital: Zep. I want you to make a choice...

ThemaninyourROOM: ?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do I look better wearing a pink or a purple tutu?

ThemaninyourROOM: Uhh...

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: PINK ALL THE WAY, JOHNSTER!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: You're not Jigsaw, bitch!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Hello, I KNOOOOOW that! (Idiot) And besides, I look better in a red tutu. I dyed it myself :-)

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: You mean the same way you 'dyed' my quilt?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up... :'(

Aggro_cop13: Ew...

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Thanks to you, I STILL can't get the blood out of my quilt...and it's my favourite one too... :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: The one with the attractive blonde woman with big blue eyes that reminds me of Jill?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You mean Barbie? XD

Undercover_Badass101: I've been chasing Jigsaw from the beginning. So unless you have something else to say...back the FUCK off.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off. **

Undercover_Badass101: HAHAHA TAKE THAT BITCH! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mark, Zep, which colour to you prefer on me? Pink or purple?

ThemaninyourROOM: Pink brings out the colour in your cheeks, John. It looks...BEAUTIFUL.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Thank you, Zep. Your opinion is greatly appreciated.

ThemaninyourROOM: No problem.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Alright, John. How wasted were you when you made up this game for Zep?

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Let's just say I took a leaf out of Strahm's book.

Undercover_Badass101: Ah, that explains why he tried to kiss me in the corridor last night...

HEEERESJOHNNY: What did you do?

Undercover_Badass101: What do you THINK I did? I socked him one.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Really? I would have thought you would have replied in kind...

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

Undercover_Badass101: John: NO. Just NO. And Mallick: Shut the hell up.

Utterly_Relaxed: Hey, hey, I heard you have a Barbie quilt...

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: The one he stole from ME!

Undercover_Badass101: 'Get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.'

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue.

Undercover_Badass101: 'Bite your fucking tongue.'

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello? Mark, you still haven't given me an answer yet...

Undercover_Badass101: 'I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.' ...Hang on, what was the question again, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Forget it :'(

Utterly_Relaxed: Haha, Mark Hoffman has a Barbie quilt! XD

Undercover_Badass101: At least mine isn't DORA THE EXPLORER XD

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you, fuck you :-(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Shit, Mallick, I didn't know you were gay!

Utterly_Relaxed: I'M NOT GAY!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Undercover_Badass101: This guy is too highly strung, eh John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Only a little.

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: HEY EVERYONE GUESS WHAT?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I haven't the faintest idea, but enlighten me, Adam. It must be more interesting than this current conversation we're having about who's gay or not.

SnapshotMan: LAWRENCE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH A CARROT!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I DID NOT CHEAT ON HER!

SnapshotMan: Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say, LARRY. I have photographic evidence.

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

Undercover_Badass101: DUDE! Weren't you freaked out before?

Utterly_Relaxed: Yeah, but only a little. Now I'm REALLY freaked out!

HEEERESJOHNNY: May I see the photographs, Adam?

SnapshotMan: Sure. I'll wrap them in garbage bags and chuck in a couple of hacksaws, for your viewing pleasure.

Dr. Peg-leg: ...Not cool, man... :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Send them via hotmail, I know how to use that now.

Utterly_Relaxed: You know how to make all these death machines but you don't know how to use hotmail?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I do NOW.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.

SnapshotMan: Sent, Jiggsaw!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Where did you hear that?

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Me, myself and I.

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Don't call me that, either of you. It's distasteful. Like Vegemite.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okey-dokey, Johnster!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...That is distasteful as well. Like dog shit. Don't call me that.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But...but...

HEEERESJOHNNY: KILLING IS DISTASTEFUL LIKE VEGEMITE! ...To me...

**HEEERESJOHNNY has set his status to away.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay, okay... guess I'll go try on my new tutu...

Utterly_Relaxed: What colour is it?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Black :D

Utterly_Relaxed: Nice... :-) ...Does it have lace?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You know, for someone who ISN'T gay, you sure sound like it...

SnapshotMan: Sorry Mallick, but I've got to agree there...

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM NOT GAY!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: This fuckin' sucks...

**HEEERESJOHNNY has returned from away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh. Oh dear, Dr. Gordon...did you get high on peanut butter, like Strahm?

Dr. Peg-leg: No...

Undercover_Badass101: That's not very convincing.

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, thank you. I do my best.

Undercover_Badass101: It's a good thing you're a doctor and not a professional liar, because you'd be shit at it.

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, thank you. I do my best.

Undercover_Badass101: ...You're being sarcastic, aren't you? Be right back peeps, checking out photos with John.

**Undercover_Badass101 has set his status as away.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has set his status as away.**

SnapshotMan: ...I know what LARRY'S carrots' name is!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: What is it? TELL ME!

Dr. Peg-leg: Don't you DARE say, Adam...

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: TELL ME ALREADY!

Utterly_Relaxed: TELL! TELL! TELL!

Dr. Peg-leg: ADAM...

SnapshotMan: PIKACHU!

Utterly_Relaxed: ...What?

SnapshotMan: That's the carrots' name. DUH.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Yeah, get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.

Utterly_Relaxed: Lawrence Gordon cheated on his wife with a carrot called Pikachu?

Dr. Peg-leg: I DID NOT CHEAT ON HER!

**Undercover_Badass101 has returned from away.**

Undercover_Badass101: Uh, yeah. You did. Those photos prove it...Ugh...I think I'm scarred for life now...Adam, you're nearly as bad as Zep with the watching-people-thing!

SnapshotMan: I DON'T watch people!

Undercover_Badass101: No, you just take photos of them...doing...um, things...

SnapshotMan: So WHAT? I was paid to take those!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

Undercover_Badass101: What?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better.

Undercover_Badass101: You sure do like to repeat yourself, don't you?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue.

Undercover_Badass101: Bite your own fucking tongue. Read the papers. I saved that little girl.

Utterly_Relaxed: Who, Pikachu?

Undercover_Badass101: No, Jigsaw.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Undercover_Badass101: Okay, sorry. I got it.

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

SnapshotMan: I don't understand.

Utterly_Relaxed: Neither do I.

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Poor bastard sounds doped.

SnapshotMan: Probably just needs a hug. Or a carrot. :P

Dr. Peg-leg: You have to die...

SnapshotMan: What?

Dr. Peg-leg: I'm sorry...My family...

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: The man is cuckoo XD

Undercover_Badass101: Haha yeah Charles XD

Dr. Peg-leg: My family needs me!

SnapshotMan: Your CARROT family, that is.

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

SnapshotMan: This is the most fun I've had without lubricant :D

Undercover_Badass101: Yah, same here bro-bro XD

Dr. Peg-leg: Hang on, I think I can reach that door...

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed out. **

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed in.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Dr. Gordon's time is up...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed out. **

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Hoffman, are you a virgin?

Undercover_Badass101: Why, are you bored with Mallick?

Utterly_Relaxed: I'M NOT GAY!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Oh, for heaven's sake! RELAX! I'm asking Hoffman a personal question! Who said it was about you?

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED! And Hoffman MADE it about me when he said you and I were gay together...

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Trust me, I wouldn't go near you even if high on peanut butter, like that FBI guy was.

SnapshotMan: Aw, that wasn't very nice, Charles. Are you saying you'd rather make out with Amanda or Jigsaw then?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed out. **

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: John: HELL NO. Amanda: Maybe. I mean, she's pretty hot...

SnapshotMan: Gross...

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, man...

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You freak me out more, dude.

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I'd rather not. Anyway, Hoffman: Are you a virgin?

Undercover_Badass101: No. I lost it a billion years ago. Now back the fuck off, man. You're freaking me out.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You're a billion years old?

Undercover_Badass101: What do you think?

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

Undercover_Badass101: ...I was talking to Charles, but thanks for your 2 bobs worth anyway, Adam. NOT.

SnapshotMan: ...You're making me cry :'(

**Smooookin' has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Been playing with matches again, have we?

Smooookin': ... :'(

**Smooookin' has signed out.**

Utterly_Relaxed: What the fuck was that for?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: He inhaled my deodorant. Dumbass.

SnapshotMan: Your GIRL deodorant, that is. XD

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed out.**

Utterly_Relaxed: I've gotta go, peeps. I'm going to go light a fire and kill some people for some heroin.

Undercover_Badass101: 'Kay. Good luck with that, buddy!

Utterly_Relaxed: Thanks :-)

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed out. **

Undercover_Badass101: Hehe...I'll see you VERY soon, Mallick Scott...and you'll have to play a game... :-)

SnapshotMan: ?

Undercover_Badass101: Uh, never mind. I gotta hightail it outta here, Adam. Talk to you later?

SnapshotMan: Yeah, sure, whatever. Bye.

Undercover_Badass101: Bye, hun :P

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed out. **

SnapshotMan: ...Did he just call me 'hun?'

**SnapshotMan has signed out.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has returned from away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I DECIDED TO WEAR THE PINK TUTU! XD Now I have to make up a dance-routine to Barbie Girl...

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed out. **


	4. Chat 4

_XxX_

**HEERESJOHNNY has signed on. **

**Smooookin' has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Mark. If you're so sick, then why do I have so many photos of you up and about? Let's put your so-called illness to the test...

Smooookin': Dude, it was only a stomach bug...and you made me run around a room naked! AND YOU WERE WATCHING ME! That's creepy. No, it's BEYOND creepy. You sick creepy bastard!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, I'm sick. Sick of the disease eating away at me inside...Sick of people who don't appreciate their blessings...Sick of those who scoff at the suffering of others...I'm SICK OF IT ALL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Anyway, Mark, I'm very glad you're here today. The others haven't been very kind to you, have they?

Smooookin': No, they haven't. But neither have you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hey, I was just trying to help you, buddy. And I wasn't watching you run around naked- that was...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Smooookin': Uhh...okay...?

HEEERESJOHNNY: He does that a lot. It's quite alright, Mark; Zep won't hurt you. Unless, of course, you happen to be married to a Doctor Lawrence Gordon, and have had a little girl called Diana with him and I've told Zep to shoot you should Lawrence fail. Are you married to Lawrence Gordon, and have you had a little girl called Diana with him?

Smooookin': NO! EW! I'M A GUY!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Can anyone confirm that?

Smooookin': Yes.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Who?

Smooookin': I think you know who.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Affirmative, Mister John Kramer, sir! Mark Wilson is indeed of the male gender!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Excellent, excellent. Now that THAT is out of the way, how are you, Mark?

Smooookin': I'm in incredible pain...and on fire...

HEEERESJOHNNY: At least you'll never fail to get a woman's attention ever again, Mark.

Smooookin': I suppose...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Have you seen any good movies lately, Mark?

Smooookin': I saw a really sad one where this totally innocent guy had to run around a room naked and look at walls to try and find out a code to the safe, which has his antidote (he was poisoned). He had some sort of gooey crap all over his body, and he was holding a candle. Oh, did I mention that he CAUGHT FIRE?

HEEERESJOHNNY: That DOES sound like a sad movie, Mark. In fact, I don't think I would be able to watch that one without a few Kleenex handy. :-( I'm a total girl when it comes to sad movies. However, that movie DOES sound familiar...Could I have used that idea in one of my games?

Smooookin': Oh, I wonder.

HEEERESJOHNNY: It is quite possible I used that idea somewhere...Anyway, I saw this really epic movie last night- TWILIGHT. Have you seen it, Mark? Are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?

Smooookin': No, and no.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You haven't see Twilight?

Smooookin': NO!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Damn...you ARE a sad, sad little man, aren't you? Go on YouTube, Mark, and look up Twilight. You'll be surprised at how beautiful it is.

Smooookin': ...I'd rather not.

HEEERESJOHNNY: :O

Smooookin': Yeah, I'm not into teenager movies. Come to think of it, I'm kind of surprised that you like those kind of movies, Jigsaw.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, I kind of like to show off my inner teenager sometimes. Twilight is a way to do that-JACOB IS HOT!

Smooookin': No, Edward's hotter!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Oi, I thought you hadn't seen Twilight.

Smooookin': Um, yeah...about that...

HEEERESJOHNNY: You LIED TO ME! :O That is so...so...

Undercover_Badass101: Bad? Stupid? Mean?

HEEERESJOHNNY: DISTASTEFUL! LYING IS DISTASTEFUL! AND _EDWARD _IS DISTASTEFUL!

Smooookin': Only REAL men sparkle.

HEEERESJOHNNY: ... :'(

Undercover_Badass101: Hey, none of that. And you got the phrase wrong anyway, Mark. It's 'only REAL vampires sparkle.' VAMPIRES, not men. Idiot.

Smooookin': And you all wonder why I don't go on chat often...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Alright, alright, I'm sorry Mark. It's just whenever Charles logs on, we all get a little agitated.

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, that guy is an asshole.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mark, what team are you? Edward or Jacob?

Smooookin': You already know...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not you, Hoffman.

Smooookin': Oh, okay.

Undercover_Badass101: I don't know- they're all pretty gross-looking if you ask me.

HEEERESJOHNNY: That's distasteful! How can you NOT feel one way or the other?

Smooookin': Yeah, how can you not like one more than the other?

Undercover_Badass101: Because they're all fugly idiots who need to grow some balls and go to a mental hospital, because ALL of them have problems.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Excuse me?

Undercover_Badass101: Bella is an idiot who thinks screwing a dead person is cool, Edward is an overprotective freak who needs to grow some balls, and Jacob has anger management problems.

Smooookin': That's not cool, man.

Undercover_Badass101: YOU'RE not cool.

HEEERESJOHNNY: MARK HOFFMAN, YOU ARE BEING SO DISTASTEFUL AND IF YOU DON'T STOP I WILL TAKE ALL OF YOUR BARBIE MOVIES OFF YOU! IS THAT CLEAR?

Undercover_Badass101: Not the Barbie movies! :'(

Smooookin': And he was saying _Edward_ needed to grow some balls! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: IS THAT CLEAR, MARK HOFFMAN?

Undercover_Badass101: YES! GOD! Unless you have something else to say, back the FUCK off, man! I saved that little girl!

Smooookin': Barbie?

Undercover_Badass101: Shut the fuck up, you stupid little human lantern.

**ILOVETOPISSYYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Been playing with matches again, have we?

Smooookin': Piss off, Mister-I-just-got-shredded-by-nail-bombs. I'm not putting up with your shit today.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Bite your fucking tongue. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

Smooookin': Who the fuck would want to be decapitated?

Undercover_Badass101: That guy, apparently.

Smooookin': What guy?

Undercover_Badass101: I dunno, but some random guy just ran past, exposing himself. He had no head :/ He was holding a sign. I dunno what it said.

HEEERESJOHNNY: It said: 'MARK HOFFMAN NEEDS TO GROW SOME BALLS'.

Undercover_Badass101: No, it didn't.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, it did.

Undercover_Badass101: No, it didn't.

HEEERESJOHNNY: YES IT FUCKING DID!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It did, Hoffman. Admit it; you DO need to grow some balls.

Undercover_Badass101: HOW'S THIS FOR GROWING SOME FUCKING BALLS?

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF's internet connection has failed. **

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has been signed off.**

Smooookin': Nice one, Hoffman. :-)

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, thank you. I do my best.

Smooookin': Hallo, Dr. Gordon! :-)

Dr. Peg-leg: Hey, bub. :P

Undercover_Badass101: ...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, hello, Dr. Gordon. Tell me, are you in an intimate relationship with Mark Wilson as well?

Dr. Peg-leg: No. We're just...VERY close friends. :P

Undercover_Badass101: ...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Ah, I see. You remind me of when I was a young lad...

Dr. Peg-leg: What are you talking about, you're not much older than me!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, thank you. Such compliments make me feel loved :D

Smooookin': So, how are you, Dr. Gordon?

Dr. Peg-leg: I'm fine, thank you. Guess what?

Smooookin': What?

Dr. Peg-leg: I HAVE A CANE! XD

Smooookin': Awesome!

Undercover_Badass101: ...I feel unloved... :(

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm sorry, Mark. If it makes you feel better, I'll make you a banana cake.

Undercover_Badass101: We don't have any bananas.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, I'll go buy some. Ta-ta, peeps!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has set his status as away.**

Undercover_Badass101: ...

Dr. Peg-leg: Yes, it's very beautiful. Hand-made, pure birch...

Smooookin': Awesome! You have to let me mess with it sometime!

Dr. Peg-leg: Of course. Oh, what a big tootsie.

Smooookin': XD

Dr. Peg-leg: Remember this one?

Undercover_Badass101: ...

Dr. Peg-leg: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy has roast beef, this little piggy had none. But THIS little piggy cried WEEEEEWEEEEWEEEEE all the way home ;)

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

Smooookin': What the fuck?

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest.

Smooookin': ... :'(

**Smooookin' has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You didn't get rid of me, Hoffman :D

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, really?

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF'S internet connection has failed.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Haha XD

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

Undercover_Badass101: Back the FUCK off, man.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Sorry. I get paid an extra five hundred dollars a week to act like an asshole.

Undercover_Badass101: So THAT'S why you're so good at it!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Fuck you.

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Hey, Eric.

Aggro_cop13: You kill my son, I kill you.

Undercover_Badass101: Oh my GOD...I don't have your goddamn son, Eric.

Aggro_cop13: Oh, I know that. I'm practising for when he goes missing on me again.

Undercover_Badass101: You mean the next time he goes to the toilet without your knowledge...Am I right?

Aggro_cop13: No, Daniel can go to the toilet without my knowledge- I don't care.

Undercover_Badass101: Then why do you have a camera in your toilet?

Aggro_cop13: That's...that's to make sure no intruders get in!

Undercover_Badass101: Sure it is.

Aggro_cop13: It is, really!

Undercover_Badass101: Whatever you say, Eric.

Aggro_cop13: Shut the fuck up! So WHAT if I need a little security around my home?

Undercover_Badass101: ...You really want me to answer?

Aggro_cop13: Yes!

Undercover_Badass101: Well, for one thing: you're a cop. People are unlikely to steal from a cop, especially one like you.

Aggro_cop13: Excuse me? What was THAT?

Undercover_Badass101: ...Nothing, nothing. Say, is that your SON I see walking down the street with his gangster friends?

Aggro_cop13: ...

Undercover_Badass101: Here we go...Haha XD

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: XD

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEL!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has returned from away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I got good news and bad news, Hoffman.

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: Good news first, John.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well...I got the bananas. That's the good news.

Undercover_Badass101: And the bad news?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well...I accidentally ran over Daniel Mathews while I was driving home. And...I ran over your collection of Barbie DVDs. Mark, Eric, I'm so sorry.

Aggro_cop13: ...

Undercover_Badass101: ...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hey, I SAID I was sorry, didn't I?

Aggro_cop13: ...

Undercover_Badass101: ...

Aggro_cop13: ...Are you serious?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes.

Aggro_cop13: ...

Undercover_Badass101: ...

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRRRRRRBIEEE!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRBIEEEE!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRBIEEE!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Dudes, I WAS ONLY JOKING! BOTH BARBIE AND DANIEL ARE _FINE! _

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Gullible idiots...

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: ...What'd I miss?

SnapshotMan: ...Oh, wait. EVERYTHING. Shit!

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**


	5. Chat 5

_XxX_

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: Is this the right chat room?

Dr. Peg-leg: There's no point in yelling, I already tried it.

SnapshotMan: Huh?

Dr. Peg-leg: I just woke up here, just like you.

SnapshotMan: What the fuck are you going on about, YOU CAN'T WAKE UP IN A CHAT ROOM!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

SnapshotMan: Oh, geez. I give up. Let's just wait for the others to log on.

SnapshotMan: Fuck! It's been half an hour, WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: TURN ON THE LIGHTS!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Yeah, get a clue, you fucking bitches. It's survival of the fittest!

SnapshotMan: No it's not: IT'S NEARLY CHRISTMAS!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Exactly.

SnapshotMan: Huh?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's not Christmas YET- meaning it must be survival of the fittest.

SnapshotMan: I'm still confused...

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Well, Adam, what we need to do is think about why we're here...

SnapshotMan: We are here because its Jigsaw's online Christmas party, you dipshit!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: :O

SnapshotMan: Here we go...

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Dr. Peg-leg: Thank you for that information, Zep. As you can see, our orderlies form VERY close bonds with the patients.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Are you calling me a patient?

Dr. Peg-leg: What do you think?

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: Shut the FUCK up!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Aggro_cop13: You kill my son, I kill you.

**PeepingTom has signed on. **

_**You may not know this user. Add PeepingTom to your friend list? **_

SnapshotMan: Who's PeepingTom?

BehindyourMIND: I know him. It's Gus.

Danny-boy87: Oh. Okay! :-)

_**PeepingTom has been added to your friends list.**_

PeepingTom: You know, I saw this show on TV last week about a reporter...

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

PeepingTom: Like what?

BehindyourMIND: Um...

Dr. Peg-leg: You know, before you actually say something like that, you ought to know what you want to do AFTER you say it. You know, like actually THINK about it!

BehindyourMIND: Get over it.

Utterly_Relaxed: Now THAT'S a good comeback. NOT.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion...

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed on.**

**Smooookin' has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay, OKAY! ENOUGH! John's about to log on, and we're going to be fucking HAPPY, okay? It's Christmas! Play nice!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: However, if you choose not to, you will never be heard from again. Your body will never be found. You will simply...VANISH.

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

Undercover_Badass101: That's the point, Mallick. Now, do you all understand the rules?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

Undercover_Badass101: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE RULES AS I HAVE SAID THEM?

SnapshotMan: Yes, for fuck's sake!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

BehindyourMIND: Yes. Now stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Utterly_Relaxed: Yes.

Danny-boy87: Yes. (Is this guy meno pausing?)

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Yes. Now, get a clue, you fucking bitches. It's survival of the fittest!

SnapshotMan: It's JIGSAW'S ONLINE XMAS PARTY YOU DIPSHIT!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Aggro_cop13: Tell me where he is and I can help you.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T HAVE YOUR FRIGGIN SON!

Aggro_cop13: You're not Jigsaw, BITCH!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM happy!

Smooookin': Help me! My eyeballs are melting!

SnapshotMan: Dead bodies look different in real life. They don't MOVE. :O

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

ShrapnelHURTS: Peter, it's probably best if you stop smoking the stick of peanut butter now. Remember what happened last time you smoked one of those?

Undercover_ Badass101: He tried to kiss me! D:

Aggro_cop13: Where is he you JUNKIE BITCH?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: RIGHT FUCKING HERE!

Danny-boy87: Dad, I dunno what's your problem. Seriously, I'm like two feet away and you STILL don't know where I am? I think you need glasses.

Aggro_cop13: Well then, GO!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, and welcome. I trust you are all wondering why you are here...

SnapshotMan: We know why we are here you old fuck!

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's the rules...

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this, you BASTARD FUCK!

ThemaninyourROOM: You're too late!

SnapshotMan: God damn this is bullshit!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Danny-boy87: ...What?

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Danny-boy87: WHAT?

Aggro_cop13: Peek-a-boo! I see you! :P

Danny-boy87: ...

**ForgiveNForget has signed on.**

_**You may not know this user. Add ForgiveNForget to your friends list? **_

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's Jeff! Hallo, Jeff :-)

_**ForgiveNForget has been added to your friends list.**_

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYYN!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEL!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRBIEE!

HEEERESJOHNNY: You'll need this key to get into the chat room...

SnapshotMan: We are IN THE CHAT ROOM!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Don't fuckin SHOUT, Adam!

SnapshotMan: So that's what this is. Reality TV.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Please stop throwing rocks at my camera. I want to record this special occasion.

ForgiveNForget: I FORGIVE YOU!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, the wonders of webcam! :D

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Of course you can, Zep. It's present time!

Utterly_Relaxed: UHERFUWEFGC!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax, Mallick. It's okay.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Remember the tape! Remember the rules!

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't forget the rules!

Dr. Peg-leg: Why?

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hmm. I need music to get in the mood for delivering Christmas presents. Eric, Jeff, Mark, get ready! On three! 1, 2, 3!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYYN!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRBIEEE!

Utterly_Relaxed: BZZZZ I'M A BEE!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Thank you, everyone. Now, I am going to be Santa Claus. Okay?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay, Jiggsaw!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Don't call me that. HO, HO, HO!

SnapshotMan: XD

Aggro_cop13: XD

Danny-boy87: D:

Undercover_Badass101: XD

Dr. Peg-leg: Someone obviously wanted us to know the time...

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: :D Haha XD

ShrapnelHURTS: :P

ForgiveNForget: Bahahahaha :-)

Smooookin': OOOH, BURN!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Nice one, Jigsaw.

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

BehindyourMIND: Get over it!

PeepingTom: You know, I saw this show on TV about this reporter...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Huh? What's everyone laughing at?

PeepingTom: ...He spent five years in that room!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...What?

ForgiveNForget: I FORGIVE YOU!

HEEERESJOHNNY: HO, HO, HO!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: THAT'S NOT NICE! :'(

Undercover_Badass101: I saved that little girl.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How did you walk out of that building?

HEEERESJOHNNY: PIRANHA!

ForgiveNForget: ?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: ?

ShrapnelHURTS: ?

SnapshotMan: ?

Dr. Peg-leg: ?

BehindyourMIND: ?

Utterly_Relaxed: ?

PeepingTom: ?

Undercover_Badass101: ?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ?

Aggro_cop13: ?

Danny-boy87: ?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: ?

ThemaninyourROOM: ?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Thank YOU! Now, because I'm Santa Claus, I'm handing out presents now. Be quiet or I will cut you!

HEEERESJOHNNY: First one is for Adam.

SnapshotMan: Thanks...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, go ahead. Open it!

SnapshotMan: ...Why do I have a photograph of a carrot?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Because you do. Next one is for Amanda. HO, HO, HO!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Thanks. Oh, hey, a new razor! Thanks, John! XD

Undercover_Badass101: ...Stay away from my quilt collection...

Utterly_Relaxed: And my new limited-edition Dora the explorer designer quilt. I'll...poke you in the eye if you dye it red.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now, now, kiddies. Next present is for Daniel.

Danny-boy87: Thanks. Oh, hey, an invisibility cloak from Harry Potter! Thanks, Jigsaw!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Aggro_cop13: Danny? Danny? Why can't I see you? NO! DANIEEL!

Danny-boy87: Where am I? Where am I? You can't see me! I'm invisible. OHOHOHO! :P

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: If it makes you feel better, Eric, I'll give you your present next.

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Aggro_cop13: I fail to see how a Playboy magazine will help me find my son.

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's not meant to help you find your son, Eric. It's for viewing pleasure.

Aggro_cop13 ...Holy shit there's Jennifer Hawkins!

HEEERESJOHNNY: See? I KNEW you'd like your gift :-)

Smooookin': I want my present next.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay. Here you go, Mark.

Smooookin': A box of matches. Um, thanks?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Been playing with matches again, have we?

Smooookin': ... :'(

**Smooookin' has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: That wasn't very nice, HO, HO, HO! No present for you, Charles! HO, HO, HO!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: WHAT? Why? :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, FINE! Here's a Lady Gaga CD.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: ...Thanks.

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Next one is for Mallick.

Utterly_Relaxed: For the last time, I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Does that mean you don't like your gift? :-(

Utterly_Relaxed: No, no. I'll take it.

SnapshotMan: What is it?

Utterly_Relaxed: A meditation CD. -.-

SnapshotMan: Bahahahaha XD

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Calm down, HO, HO, HO. It's Christmas.

SnapshotMan: No, it's not. Not for another 20 days.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Adam, I will cut you if you piss me off. Its Christmas because I said it was. OKAY?

SnapshotMan: Okay.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Next present is for Xavier. Here you go :D

BehindyourMIND: Oh, um, wow. A picture of a rainbow.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, I thought you ought to remember the delightful experience you had in my nerve gas house.

BehindyourMIND: I'll treasure it with all my heart.

HEEERESJOHNNY: 'Atta boy! Who's left to receive a gift from Santa? HO, HO, HO!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Me.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay! Here you go, Agent Strahm!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: A jar of peanut butter! Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh BOY!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I think he rather liked his gift. :D Agent Perez, the next one is for you.

ShrapnelHURTS: Thank you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: A genuine, hand-made Billy puppet, complete with exploding face!

ShrapnelHURTS: Thank you. I love it.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I knew you would.

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Gus, I suppose it's your turn now. Here you go!

PeepingTom: A TV! Awesome! Thanks, Jigsaw!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Turn it on. I think you'll like what show's on at the moment.

PeepingTom: No...WAY...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do you like it? I recorded it, just for you :-)

PeepingTom: NO! NOT THAT DAMN SHOW ABOUT THE REPORTER! NOO!

**PeepingTom has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Told you he'd love it :P

ThemaninyourROOM: John, may I please have my present now?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Since you asked so nicely, of course you can, Zep. Here you go.

ThemaninyourROOM: YAY! A SIGNED PHOTO OF YOU, JOHN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes. It took me a whole five minutes to sign that photograph. You should be happy. HO, HO, HO!

ThemaninyourROOM: I'm beyond happy. I'm...ecstatic! Thank you!

HEEERESJOHNNY: You're welcome, HO, HO, HO.

ThemaninyourROOM: I'm going to go frame it.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Jeff, here's your gift. A memoir of how stupid you were when you slit my throat.

ForgiveNForget: A circular saw. Thanks, asshole.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Calling Santa an asshole isn't very nice, Jeff. HO, HO, HO!

ForgiveNForget: I FORGIVE YOU!

**ForgiveNForget has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, Dr. Gordon, are you ready for YOUR present yet?

Dr. Peg-leg: I dunno yet.

SnapshotMan: What are you going on about, Lawrence? Either you're ready or you're not.

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, I'm going to give it to you anyway, whether you're ready or not. Here you go, doctor!

Dr. Peg-leg: It smells...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, no SHIT.

Dr. Peg-leg: Do I have to open it now?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes! The smell will only get worse if you wait.

Dr. Peg-leg: I don't want to do this...Holy shit, it's my old foot!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do you like it?

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, what a big tootsie.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'll take that as a yes. :D

Dr. Peg-leg: This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home...

SnapshotMan: Oh, God. Kill me now.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Here's some Gladwrap you could smother yourself with. An extra present from Santa, HO, HO, HO!

SnapshotMan: I'll pass, thanks...

Dr. Peg-leg: And this little piggy went WEEEWEEWEE ALL THE WAY HOME!

HEEERESJOHNNY: See how grateful to be alive you all are? I'm a genius! :D Well, that's it for Santa this year. Die in one of my games next year and you'll receive a Haha-you-lose present absolutely free of charge!

Undercover_Badass101: You forgot me...

HEEERESJOHNNY: No, I didn't.

Undercover_Badass101: Yes, you did.

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO I FUCKING DIDN'T! NOW ALL OF YOU, GO AWAY! OR I WILL CUT YOU HO, HO, HO'S!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Except you, Mark. I wanna talk to you.

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I'll bring someone back, I promise...

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: You fucking idiot...

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now, Mark, I saved you for last because your present is by far the best.

Undercover_Badass101: You call this a chance?

HEEERESJOHNNY: We'll see. Our game's just begun.

Undercover_Badass101: _Our _game? You don't even KNOW me!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Of course I know you, you dipshit! You've been my apprentice for gawd knows how long!

Undercover_Badass101: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I want to give a Christmas present.

Undercover_Badass101: What about YOUR Christmas present?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well...uh...I already have mine.

Undercover_Badass101: What's in the box?

HEEERESJOHNNY: The box is MINE! Stay back or I will cut you, HO, HO, HO!

Undercover_Badass101: I think I know. It's the jigsaw-shaped pieces of flesh, isn't it?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Maybe...

Undercover_Badass101: So that's your Christmas present?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes. Now, I spent a lot of money on your present- a lot more than anyone else's, except maybe Gus's.

Undercover_Badass101: Okay..

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's a reward for being a good apprentice and kicking Charles off the chat when he aggravates the other victims too much. So, enjoy your gift, detective! Here you go!

Undercover_Badass101: Thanks. Did you wrap it yourself, too?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, now open the box, you HO, HO, HO.

Undercover_Badass101: ...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do you like it?

Undercover_Badass101: ...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, come on! I'm dying to know! LITERALLY!

Undercover_Badass101: I LOVE YOU, JOHN! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I knew you'd love it!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRBIEE! :D

Undercover_Badass101: WE ARE TOGETHER AGAIN!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRRBIEEE! XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: I am SO smart for getting you a box set of Barbie dolls! XD

Undercover_Badass101: let's go try on some pretty dresses, Barbie!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, I am SO smart for recycling the Barbie dolls he had before and putting them in a pretty box!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I might as well go now. Merry Christmas to you all! HO, HO, HO!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off. **


	6. Chat 6

_XxX_

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on. **

Undercover_Badass101: Hey, Amanda. Want to hear a secret?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay...?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: EW! YOU'RE DISGUSTING! _JO-OHN, _HOFFMAN JUST BURPED IN MY EAR!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I know. I heard it.

Undercover_Badass101: HEY! You weren't supposed to be listening. It was a SECRET!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Aren't you going to do something about it?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I really can't be bothered doing anything about it...Just ignore him.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I CAN'T ignore him! He's filling up the lair with burp gas!

Undercover_Badass101: It's not my fault. It's the lemonade.

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's do something!

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Well, stop drinking it then.

Undercover_Badass101: You're not the boss. You can't tell me what to do.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yes, I can.

Undercover_Badass101: No, you can't.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yes, I can.

Undercover_Badass101: No, you can't.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YES I FRIGGIN _CAN! _

Undercover_Badass101: NO, YOU CAN'T!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Why don't you just SHUT UP?

Undercover_Badass101: Why don't YOU shut up?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because I said it first.

Undercover_Badass101: So? I said it LAST. NYAHAHAHAHAHA!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT _UP!_

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Would you BOTH shut up? I'm trying to read the newspaper!

Undercover_Badass101: This is the worst sort-of-holiday we've ever been on. We give ourselves a break from making traps and now there's nothing to do...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Apart from filling the lair with burp gas, apparently.

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: That rolled off your tongue real smooth.

Undercover_Badass101: Thank you, John. Hear that, Amanda? I'm smooth! The best! The greatest! The champion! Did you hear that, Amanda! I'm SMOOTH!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Grow up, Hoffman.

Undercover_Badass101: Since I'm smooth, that makes me better than YOU!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It does not.

Undercover_Badass101: Yes, it does!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, God...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Just shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up, you Jigsaw wannabe!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: :O His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: SHUT UP!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, okay, I've HAD IT! You two have WAY too much time on your hands. Let's play a game.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But this is our sort-of-holiday from playing games...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not THOSE games, idiot! Let's play I Spy.

Undercover_Badass101: That game is LAME.

HEEERESJOHNNY: YOU'RE lame! You killed Jill, you piranha!

Undercover_Badass101: Well, she tried to kill me :-(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, well, she's cool. And you're not. You're scared of dogs called Peewee. PEEWEE, for goodness's sake!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Haha, Hoffman! XD

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, STOP! I spy with my little eye...something beginning with O.

Undercover_Badass101: Obi.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, that's right, Hoffman. Maybe you ARE a little bit cool, after all.

Undercover_Badass101: All right! I win! Did you get that, Amanda? I WON!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Just shut up and take your turn.

Undercover_Badass101: Okay. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with SL: SORE LOSER!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Tell him to shut up, John.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Are you going to take your turn or not?

Undercover_Badass101: Okay, okay. I spy with my little eye, something beginning with...E.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Eric Matthews?

Undercover_Badass101: Sort of, but not quite.

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

Undercover_Badass101: Who said YOU could play? And by the way, 'I'll fucking kill you' begins with an I. So it's not right anyway.

Aggro_cop13: Well, then, GO!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: He left out the 'I'll ' in that last sentence. And he's supposed to be a cop! Jesus...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Engine? As in car engine?

Undercover_Badass101: Sort of, but not quite.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Egg carton?

Undercover_Badass101: There is no egg carton.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: There was, though.

Undercover_Badass101: Yes, but you can't see it now, can you? Why would I say I can see something that I can't see?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It's never stopped you before.

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Come on, don't spoil the fun.

Undercover_Badass101: The fun was spoiled when SHE came along...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Egg head.

Undercover_Badass101: I can't see an egg head.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It's right there on top of your neck.

Undercover_Badass101: I do not have an egg head! Do I, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well...

Undercover_Badass101: I DO NOT! Anyway, it's not egg head! Let's move on!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: We give up.

Undercover_Badass101: But you CAN'T give up! :O You only just started! If you give up, you will simply...VANISH. Your body will never be found...Make your choice...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I bet this is a stupid one. Something like 'air.'

Undercover_Badass101: It's not stupid, I promise.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It better not be. Otherwise I might just decide to 'dye' you Barbie collection...

Undercover_Badass101: Not Barbie! :O

Undercover_Badass101: Anyway, just guess.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Eyes.

Undercover_Badass101: No! How could it be 'eyes' – that doesn't even start with E. You're nearly as bad as Eric at this game!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: I DON'T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE!

Undercover_Badass101: I wasn't aware that you were still playing.

Aggro_cop13: DANNIEEL!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: 'Eyes' DOES start with E.

Undercover_Badass101: No, it doesn't. It starts with 'I.'

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Eyes! E-Y-E-S.

Undercover_Badass101: Oh. I thought you said 'ice.'

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You did not. You can't spell!

Undercover_Badass101: I CAN SO! Can't I, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Hoffman can't spe-ell! Hoffman can't spe-ell!

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: No, YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Eyebrows.

Undercover_Badass101: No.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Eyelashes.

Undercover_Badass101: No.

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: Elephant! :D

Undercover_Badass101: ...Poor Eric. He's really not very good at this game.

Aggro_cop13: Shut the FUCK up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: How could it be an elephant, anyway?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It could be an ectoplasmic elephant.

Undercover_Badass101: Now you're just being stupid. There's no such thing as an ectoplasmic elephant, and even if there was, I can't see one in here.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Of course not, you drop-kick! Ectoplasmic means 'like a ghost', so an ectoplasmic elephant would be invisible. So how could you see one anyway?

Undercover_Badass101: No, Amanda. The question is, if it's invisible, how could YOU see it?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because I'm psychic.

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, like a witch. That would explain the wart on the end of your nose.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T have a wart on the end of my nose.

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, I'm sorry, that disgusting growth on your face IS your nose. My apologies.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up.

Undercover_Badass101: You shut up.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I give up.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Same here.

Undercover_Badass101: What about you, Eric?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: He wasn't even playing.

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, but he still has to give up.

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: ...I gave up years ago...

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Alright. Looks like I win again.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What was the answer?

Undercover_Badass101: 'Everything.'

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But that's STUPID! You can't just say 'everything'. You're supposed to do it in DETAIL!

Undercover_Badass101: I did do it in detail. Everything in the lair. How much more detail can you get?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...

Undercover_Badass101: I think I see something beginning with SL again... :P

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I THINK I SEE SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH 'I'! GIVE UP? IDIOT!

Undercover_Badass101: John, Amanda just called me an idiot.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I did not. I didn't CALL him an idiot. I just said I could SEE an idiot.

Undercover_Badass101: You were looking right at me when you said 'idiot'.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm sure she didn't really mean it.

Undercover_Badass101: You always take her side. She must be your favourite.

HEEERESJOHNNY: No, she's not.

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, good. That means I must be your favourite.

HEEERESJOHNNY: No, that's not right either. I...dislike you both equally.

Undercover_Badass101: Haha, Amanda, John dislikes you!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah, well, he dislikes you as well.

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Imagine if this place caught fire...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It'd be Hoffman's fault. His burp gas is flammable, you know.

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up about my burp gas!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

HEEERESJOHNNY: WHY DON'T YOU BOTH JUST _SHUT UP? _

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Good one, John!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Shut up, Zep.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off. **

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Where are you going?

HEEERESJOHNNY: To read my newspaper in peace!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...

Undercover_Badass101: ...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Is John all right?

Undercover_Badass101: He's fine. He just needs a holiday, that's all.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: We're already on holiday.

Undercover_Badass101: Sorry, I meant that he needs a holiday away from you, Amanda. If fact, we all do. :P

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!


	7. Chat 7

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on. **

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Dr. Gordon, this is your wake-up call. Every day of your working life, you have given others the news that they're gonna die soon. Now YOU will be the cause of death. Your aim in this game is to kill Adam. You have until six on the clock to do it.

Dr. Peg-leg: It's six now.

HEEERESJOHNNY: That's not the point. Let me finish.

Dr. Peg-leg: ...Okay.

HEEERESJOHNNY: There's a man in the room with you.

Dr. Peg-leg: Holy shit it's Justin Bieber!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Dude, let me finish. I am giving you an award-worthy speech, the least you could do is listen to it.

Dr. Peg-leg: Can I kill Justin Bieber instead of Adam?

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO!

Dr. Peg-leg: Why?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this! You BASTARD FUCK!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Calling a fellow victim a bastard fuck is not very nice, Dr. Gordon. I find it somewhat...distasteful.

Dr. Peg-leg: By the look of these chains, someone didn't want us going very far, either...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, I know. Aren't you happy, Lawrence? You're chained in a room with Adam and Justin Bieber!

Dr. Peg-leg: I want to kill Justin Bieber! Adam's too awesome to die!

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: You sound like you admire this prick.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh...

Dr. Peg-leg: ...

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch. It's survival of the fittest!

Dr. Peg-leg: What else aren't you telling me?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

SnapshotMan: Oh my God, Lawrence! Don't do it!

Dr. Peg-leg: You have to die.

SnapshotMan: It's not me who did this to you!

Dr. Peg-leg: Dude, I KNOW. I'm practicing my crazy speech so I can kill Justin Bieber off and I can't get arrested for it ;)

SnapshotMan: Oh, okay then :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Be right back. I have to put this bullet into this gun so I can shoot Justin before he melts my brain with his awful singing...

**Dr. Peg-leg has set his status as away.**

SnapshotMan: Give me that sweet cancer!

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! THE CANCER IS _MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! _

SnapshotMan: I'll cut you with this, you hear me? I'll cut-

HEEERESJOHNNY: What's the matter, Adam? Can't finish a sentence?

SnapshotMan: It's a two-way mirror.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, no SHIT. Are you feeling okay, Adam? What's your name?

SnapshotMan: My name is Very Fucking Confused! What's your name?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm glad you know who I am, Strahm. It makes me all warm inside :D

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Fuck you.

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: :O

HEEERESJOHNNY: :'(

**Dr. Peg-leg has returned from away.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Back, peeps! :D

SnapshotMan: Lawrence! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Adam...can't... breathe...

SnapshotMan: Sorry, but I'm so happy you're back!

Dr. Peg-leg: You're a terrible liar.

SnapshotMan: :'( ...I'm not lying...

Dr. Peg-leg: JOKES!

SnapshotMan: Oh, okay :-) Is Justin dead yet?

Dr. Peg-leg: No, not yet...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hurry up, then! I've got a dance recital to get to!

Dr. Peg-leg: A...dance recital?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes. Now HURRY UP! Personally, I am getting sick of hearing 'Baby, baby, ooh,' over and over.

SnapshotMan: Same. What did you do last night, Lawrence?

Dr. Peg-leg: THERE! I'VE DONE IT! NOW SHOW THEM TO MEEEEE!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh...show you what?

Dr. Peg-leg: So, you still want that cigarette?

SnapshotMan: Uh, yeah. Sure.

SnapshotMan: ZXCVBNMLKJ!

SnapshotMan: See, John, at least SOMONEONE'S nice around here...

HEEERESJOHNNY: What was with the fake death?

SnapshotMan: Oh, I do that whenever I get a cigarette.

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's a good thing you're not getting my cancer, then.

Dr. Peg-leg: What else aren't you telling me?

SnapshotMan: Well, let's see...on my sixth birthday, my best friend at the time, Scott Tibbs, stabbed me with a rusty nail, I didn't tell you that. I didn't mention that my last girlfriend, who was a feminist vegan punk, broke up with me because she thought that **I **was too angry. I didn't tell you that one of my toenails is slightly...

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: Shut the fuck up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Don't forget the rules!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: Oh this is SHIT!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU'RE shit.

Aggro_cop13: YOU'RE shit! And you're not Jigsaw either, BITCH!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

Aggro_cop13: YOU shut up!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: _YOU _SHUT UP!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not again... :'(

Aggro_cop13: Shut up, Jigsaw!

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

**Undercover_Badass101's internet connection has failed. Undercover_Badass101 has been signed off.**

**Aggro_cop13's internet connection has failed. Aggro_cop13 has been signed off.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH's internet connection has failed. NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has been signed off.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: HAHA! SUCK ON THAT, BEEARCHS!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING _RELAXED!_

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wasn't talking to you, Mallick.

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you.

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

LOVETOPISSYOUOFF: He'll calm down when I give him a packet of Doritos ;)

Dr. Peg-leg: Well, you should go and give him some, then.

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF's internet connection has failed. ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has been signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I find that somewhat distasteful, Dr. Gordon.

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Get over it!

HEEERESJOHNNY: What do you mean 'get over it?' :'(

BehindyourMIND: I mean stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

SnapshotMan: I want Lawrence!

BehindyourMIND: Um...

Dr. Peg-leg: Aw... :D

SnapshotMan: :D

BehindyourMIND: This is bullshit! I'm leaving!

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

HEERESJOHNNY: Anyway, so is Justin Bieber dead yet?

Dr. Peg-leg: Yup!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Great! Congratulations, you are still alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive, but not you. Not anymore.

Dr. Peg-leg: Thanks bro-bro!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not a problem! :D

SnapshotMan: Hey, Jigsaw-

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes?

SnapshotMan: May I ask whose dance recital it is that you're going to?

HEEERESJOHNNY: You may ask.

SnapshotMan: Whose dance recital is it?

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's a secret. :P

SnapshotMan: Wrong! You've got one thing I don't: INFORMATION! If you don't tell me what's really going on, I'll cut you with this, you hear me?

HEEERESJOHNNY: And I'll electrocute you and leave you in the bathroom with Miley Cyrus, and you will never see Lawrence again.

SnapshotMan: NO!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Haha, I KNEW that'd get you :D

Dr. Peg-leg: And I'll steal all of your pornography magazines!

SnapshotMan: ...I don't have any porno magazines...

Dr. Peg-leg: Not you. I meant Jigsaw!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! NOT MY PORNO MAGAZINES! :'(

Dr. Peg-leg: Well, leave Adam alone, and tell him whose dance recital it is!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay. I'll only tell Adam, though.

Dr. Peg-leg: I don't like the idea of leaving Adam alone with you...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, come on. Even **I** have restrictions!

Dr. Peg-leg: Okay, well, good luck Adam, and John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes?

Dr. Peg-leg: ...I'll be back.

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: So, whose dance recital IS it, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I think it's better if I were to show you...

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: What the crap?

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: My tutu looks very pretty :D

SnapshotMan: ARGH! MY EYES!

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed off. **


	8. Chat 8

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Xavier. I want to play a game. The game I want to play is very similar to the one you've been playing...

BehindyourMIND: How the hell do you know I've been playing Twister?

HEEERESJOHNNY: We-ell... :-)

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: This is bullshit, man! You can't have Zep spying on me all the time!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Of course I can. I'm awesome, and I can do whatever I like.

**ForgiveNForget has signed on.**

ForgiveNForget: Even though I slit your throat? :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hush, now. We can't have that secret getting out...

ForgiveNForget: Dude, it's been on TV for like, a week now.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Damn it! I KNEW I shouldn't have let Jill put that video of me telling her to kill Hoffman on the international news! That was just asking for trouble!

BehindyourMIND: And yet you did it anyway...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Get over it!

BehindyourMIND: What do you mean, 'get over it?'

HEEERESJOHNNY: I mean stop bitching about it and let's DO something!

BehindyourMIND: Hey, that's my line!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not anymore. I stole it.

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Why?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Ah, damn it!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: Why did you steal my line? :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: I want my line back!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: You're too late!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I can defend myself, thank you Zep.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

ForgiveNForget: So you can defend yourself now, Jigsaw? :P

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Thank you for that information, Zep. As you can see, our orderlies form very close bonds with the patients...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Closer than you might think :P

ThemaninyourROOM: :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Ew...

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, back to the matter at hand:

ForgiveNForget: Yes, how you can supposedly defend yourself but I was able to slice your throat...

BehindyourMIND: What about my line?

HEEERESJOHNNY: What about it?

BehindyourMIND: I want it back!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, you can't have it back. It's mine now :D

BehindyourMIND: It's MINE! I rightfully said it, and you can't have it! Give it back!

HEEERESJOHNNY: No. :-)

ForgiveNForget: I MUST SAVE MY WIFE!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Dude, her head has blown up.

ForgiveNForget: Her upper half might be gone, but her lower half is what concerns me... :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: TOO MUCH INFORMATION, JEFF!

ForgiveNForget: :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: Remember, if you want your daughter back, you have to play a game!

ForgiveNForget: How many more games of Monopoly do I have to play with you, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Until you actually win :D

ForgiveNForget: Damn you and all other serial killers...

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: He wants us to survive this!

ForgiveNForget: Goddamn, I didn't know you were playing as well!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Of course! :D

ForgiveNForget: How are you so good at this game?

BehindyourMIND: Oh, that's right, forget the poor innocent man who lost his trademark line...

ForgiveNForget: If you prefer.

BehindyourMIND: ...What?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because I've played before.

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: You said you survived this, right?

ForgiveNForget: Goddamn, Daniel! You're playing as well?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: BUT YOU HAVE TO PLAY BY THE FUCKING RULES!

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's okay, Amanda. Relax.

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: G-Game over!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: She doesn't deserve to go free!

ForgiveNForget: LYNNN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: You bitch! Why'd you shoot Lynn a second time?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: :'(

**ForgiveNForget has signed off.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: This is bullshit!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Why?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You BASTARD FUCK!

ThemaninyourROOM: You're too late!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: What the FUCK do you want?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I told you: I wanna play a game.

Aggro_cop13: No, first you said you wanted to talk. Then you said you wanted to play a game. My primitive human mind cannot deal with all of this conflict!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, I pity you, Detective Matthews.

Aggro_cop13: Oh, this is SHIT!

HEEERESJOHNNY: We both know the sort of person you are, sir. You are a fearless, yet incredibly angry cop who apparently cannot see his own son who is sitting two feet in front of him, and you also have a very tiny mind.

Aggro_cop13: I do not!

Danny-boy87: Uh, yeah, you do Dad. Remember when you tried to help me with my maths homework?

Aggro_cop13: It's not my fault! Maths is HARD!

Danny-boy87: One plus one?

Aggro_cop13: ...Go away...

Danny-boy87: I just think I should go back to Mum's early.

Aggro_cop13: What did you say?

Danny-boy87: What, can you not hear me?

Aggro_cop13: No, I can't hear you! SAY IT AGAIN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I really do pity you, Detective Matthews. :-)

Danny-boy87: I SAID, I think I should go back to Mum's...

Aggro_cop13: Well, then, GO!

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Look closer, Detective Matthews.

Aggro_cop13: ...What am I looking at?

HEEERESJOHNNY: This is in fact your brain.

Aggro_cop13: Holy shit it's the size of a pea!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Exactly. Now, do you see why I pity you?

BehindyourMIND: GIVE ME MY GODDAMN LINE BACK!

Aggro_cop13: Say it. Out loud.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, I see, you're going all Edward Cullen on me. It's ON, bitch!

Aggro_cop13: Say IT!

HEEERESJOHNNY: A Jonas Brother!

Aggro_cop13: Exactly! Wait...what?

HEEERESJOHNNY: You really are stupid, Eric! :D

Aggro_cop13: I don't like you. You stole my crayon!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I have done no such thing. I may have indirectly murdered people, but I have never stolen a crayon. That is the worst crime a person can commit, and I am proud to say that I have not done that particular one :D

BehindyourMIND: I want my line back!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, poor Xavier. I see the problem now.

BehindyourMIND: You do?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, yes, I do. You want me to depict WHY exactly I have stolen your line. Well, that's fine. I'm happy to do that for you :-)

BehindyourMIND: This is bullshit!

HEEERESJOHNHY: Okay, here goes my Academy-award-worthy- failure-Haha-you-suck speech:

HEEERESJOHNNY: _Hello, Xavier. If you're hearing this, then it's time to collect. You felt you had control, didn't you? You thought you would walk away untested. I told you that you couldn't piss me off, but I didn't tell you why. Your line is now fully in my possession, and I call you unworthy of the McDonald's you possess, of the fries you have been given._

BehindyourMIND: GIVE ME MY MCDONALD'S BACK! NOOOO!

HEEERESJOHNNY: See, that's WHY you don't piss off good old John Kramer; because I am so cool that way in that I take your McDonald's away :D

BehindyourMIND: That's...just...CRUEL. :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Get over it!

BehindyourMIND: What do you mean, 'get over it'?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I mean stop bitching about it and let's DO something!

HEEERESJOHNNY: :P

BehindyourMIND: Oh, I hate you...

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Just spreading the love :-) Because, like, I am so awesome that way :D

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: What's going on with Amanda?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda? I'm not sure I know what you mean, Detective Hoffman.

Undercover_Badass101: You said that the only way to truly offer enlightenment is by detaching emotionally.

HEEERESJOHNNY: And...?

Undercover_Badass101: WHY THE HELL IS SHE STILL WINNING AT SNAKES AND LADDERS?

HEEERESJOHNNY: What is with everyone today? They've all got a foot up their ass about something...

Undercover_Badass101: I do not have a foot up my ass!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Are you sure about that?

Undercover_Badass101: Yes.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You killed my ex-wife! I will trust nothing you say until someone else can confirm that you do not have a foot up your ass!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ZEP!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Yes, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I want you to do something for me!

Undercover_Badass101: Hey, dudes, this is all extremely unnecessary!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I think not!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Zep, confirm that Mark Hoffman does not have a foot up his ass about something!

ThemaninyourROOM: Okay!

ThemaninyourROOM: Yes, Mister John Kramer, sir! Detective Mark Hoffman does indeed have a foot up his ass about something!

Undercover_Badass101: What the fuck do you think you're doing? NOOO!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Good work, Zep. As a reward, you can have Xavier's semi-cold McDonald's meal.

ThemaninyourROOM: Yum! :-)

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, Hoffman, care to tell me what's the matter? I am a qualified healer, you know. ;)

Undercover_Badass101: Very funny, John. Amanda will fail you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: We'll see. Right now, you are my concern, Detective.

Undercover_Badass101: WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I wanna play a game.

Undercover_Badass101: I don't want to play.

HEEERESJOHNNY: And why not? My games are all very therapeutic; just ask Amanda!

Undercover_Badass101: You think she's recovered? She's gotten worse! She's as nutty as a fruitcake!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Ah, I see the problem now. Your problem is not with me, nor is it with Amanda. It is with fruitcake!

Undercover_Badass101: ...What?

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's obvious! So, what about fruitcake disturbs you, Detective?

Undercover_Badass101: Fruitcake doesn't disturb me.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Undercover_Badass101: Stop that! It's my last pair of Scooby Doo trousers! Don't you DARE set them on fire!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I won't if you'll tell me what's wrong with fruitcake.

Undercover_Badass101: Tell me what's wrong with piranhas first.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You need to ask? They EAT PEOPLE ALIVE! They are Hannibal Lector fish! I do not like them!

Undercover_Badass101: Hannibal Lector fish, indeed...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, I give up on you! Even Eric has more hope of rehabilitation than you do, and THAT'S saying something! The guy has a brain the size of a pea!

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, I kind of figured that out when he came to work one day with his imaginary pony called Sparkles.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Game over, Hoffman! I do not like you, you Hannibal Lector piranha ex-wife-killing monstrosity!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: He hurt my feelings... :'(

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: So when's your test, Detective?

Undercover_Badass101: I don't need one.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh yeah? ;)

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Okay, that was kind of weird...

**Undercover_Badass101's internet connection has failed.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has been signed off.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: What the hell is this shit? I'm being held captive in a room somewhere, and it's dark...

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, don't forget that you're chained to a pipe where Justin Bieber once was.

Undercover_Badass101: Justin Bieber? Oh no! HELP!

Dr. Peg-leg: Hello, Mark. I wanna play a game.

Undercover_Badass101: Lawrence? Why are YOU doing this?

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, because John gave up on you. He still doesn't know why you hate fruitcake, by the way.

Undercover_Badass101: But I don't hate fruitcake...

Dr. Peg-leg: Yes you do.

Undercover_Badass101: No I don't!

Dr. Peg-leg: YES YOU BLOODY DO! Can I get on with your test now?

Undercover_Badass101: If you must. But remember, I will probably cheat my way out of it ;)

Dr. Peg-leg: We'll see about that. Now, I understand you like cookies. Am I right, Hoffman?

Undercover_Badass101: ...Yes.

Dr. Peg-leg: Right, yes, okay. Well, you are chained in a bathroom with no hacksaws, no toilet lids, and other ways of getting the cuff off. You with me so far?

Undercover_Badass101: ...Yes.

Dr. Peg-leg: Okay, cool. Now, the only way to survive this room is to eat the cookie in front of you.

Undercover_Badass101: COOKIE! :D

Undercover_Badass101: YOU _ASSHOLE! _GIVE ME BACK MY COOKIE!

Dr. Peg-leg: I don't think so.

Undercover_Badass101: NOOOO!

Dr. Peg-leg: It was a very nice cookie :D

Undercover_Badass101: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? _NO! _

Dr. Peg-leg: Game over.

Undercover_Badass101: NOOOO!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I've always wanted to say that XD

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off. **


	9. Chat 9

_XxX_

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: Is this it?

Dr. Peg-leg: I dunno yet.

SnapshotMan: Lawrence, you seriously STILL haven't gotten over the bathroom and everything said there? It was ten YEARS ago, dude!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

SnapshotMan: This is gonna be a long night...

Dr. Peg-leg: Hang on, I think I can reach that door...

SnapshotMan: I know you can reach that door, it's just up here...

Dr. Peg-leg: MY FAMILY NEEDS ME!

SnapshotMan: Oh my god, Lawrence! What the hell?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Lawrence, it's not me who did this to you!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: I cannot calm down! I spilt my nail polish!

Utterly_Relaxed: You're a monster!

SnapshotMan: Don't leave me!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Better luck next time, rich boy.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Go, Adam, go! Get Charles and hit him over the head with a toilet lid!

SnapshotMan: RAWWWWWWR!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: WAIT-

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed off. **

Utterly_Relaxed: Go Adam! You got skills, dude!

SnapshotMan: Thank you :-)

Dr. Peg-leg: I wouldn't lie to you.

SnapshotMan: Er...what?

Dr. Peg-leg: I'll bring someone back, I promise!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: See, Adam? I brought someone back!

SnapshotMan: You brought three people with you...not one

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

Undercover_Badass101: I saved that little girl!

HEEERESJOHNNY: We've got it all ass-backwards here...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No he's not. He wants us to survive this. YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES!

HEEERESJOHNNY: It's okay, Amanda. Just re-lax!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I wasn't talking to you!

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Good :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah, that's right. I'm a murderer.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I despise murderers...

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Uh...I meant that I'm a pizza delivery girl!

SnapshotMan: You bitch! You tried to suffocate me in the bathroom!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Go fuck yourself. I'm sick of you!

SnapshotMan: Give me some Vaseline first ;)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Here you go. Now leave me alone.

**SnapshotMan has set his status as away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, you're a pizza delivery girl, Amanda?

NOTAJUNKEIBITCH: Yup :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay. I'd like a pepperoni pie with anchovies, pineapple and onion.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Huh?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I want a pepperoni pizza.

Undercover_Badass101: You sure about that?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Of COURSE I'm sure, you weirdo!

Undercover_Badass101: Just asking, because you know, your heart...

HEEERESJOHNNY: I have CANCER, not heart disease! Jesus! Ignorant youths these days...

**SnapshotMan has returned from away.**

SnapshotMan: Give me that sweet cancer!

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! THE CANCER IS _MINE!_

Dr. Peg-leg: It's my favourite photo because we're all in it!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: There was a knife...

Utterly_Relaxed: How do you KNOW her? ANSWER ME!

Undercover_Badass101: She played a game of John's.

Utterly_Relaxed: How the-How the fuck do you KNOW that?

Undercover_Badass101: Dude, I'm John's apprentice. I know everything...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you...

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Utterly_Relaxed: You're starting to freak me out, dude...

Undercover_Badass101: DUH! Don't you know that all test subjects must be freaked out?

Utterly_Relaxed: Whoops...

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, big fucking whoops.

Utterly_Relaxed: ?

Undercover_Badass101: BRIT HACKED THIS SHIT!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Greetings, and welcome. By now I trust you are wondering where you are...

SnapshotMan: Isn't it a bit late to be saying that?

HEEERESJOHNNY: That rolled off your tongue real smooth.

Dr. Peg-leg: I KNOW, right? :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...Ugh...

SnapshotMan: I just got electrocuted!

HEEERESJOHNNY: That was even smoother. In fact, that was downright SLICK!

SnapshotMan: Very rockstar.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Huh?

SnapshotMan: Not you, you bitch. Jigsaw!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, Adam?

SnapshotMan: Your hair. It's very rockstar. I like it.

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, thank you. I do my best.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do you like it? I tried to get the dreadlocks just right, but I don't know if I got it right...

SnapshotMan: No, it's perfect.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yay!

SnapshotMan: But Larry's hair is better :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Aw... :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: :'(

SnapshotMan: Sorry, but it's true.

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, I have to agree there.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Shut up, Mark! If you annoy me, I'll stick you to a car seat next to Evan and you two can go for a ride!

Undercover_Badass101: But...I_ like_ my upper half... :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Don't forget the rules!

Dr. Peg-leg: Why?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules...

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep...!

ThemaninyourROOM: You're too late!

HEEERESJOHNNY: God damn, I give up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Don't give up, Jiggy-Wiggy! Ya still got in ya!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Don't call me that. Besides, you're not my apprentice anymore, you're a pizza delivery girl, so stop sucking up to me, bitch.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ...Sorry...

SnapshotMan: Sucked IN, bitch!

HEEERESJOHNNY: AMANDA! Put it AWAY...

SnapshotMan: My eyes! Argh!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What's wrong with showing Adam a porn photo of me?

Undercover_Badass101: Many, many things...Ugh...I think I'm scarred for life...

HEEERESJOHNNY: AMANDA!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: None of you appreciate me... :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: Damn right, bitch! :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: Joking, bitch!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You know, 'bitch' isn't really a term of endearment.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, I'm sorry, shit-face!

Undercover_Badass101: XD

SnapshotMan: XD

Dr. Peg-leg: XD

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, it's just the four of us. :D

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Glad you're ahead of the curve, doctor.

Undercover_Badass101: What about me?

HEEERESJOHNNY: What about you?

Undercover_Badass101: Aren't you going to punish him for stealing my cookie?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Nope :P

Undercover_Badass101: Why not?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Because I don't want to do anymore sequels.

Undercover_Badass101: But...John...it was a chocolate-chip cookie!

HEEERESJOHNNY: :O Are you serious?

Undercover_Badass101: Yes.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hmm..we-ell...

Undercover_Badass101: :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Nah...

Undercover_Badass101: :O

Undercover_Badass101: :-(

Undercover_Badass101: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Holy shit it's Strahm's hand!

Undercover_Badass101: You sure about that?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Of course!

Undercover_Badass101: Jiggy-Wiggy!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...

Undercover_Badass101: Jiggy-Wiggy!

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...

Undercover_Badass101: Jiggy-Wiggy!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, Mark, if you log off right now and stop annoying me, I'll buy you a new Barbie doll.

Undercover_Badass101: Okay! :D

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Haha, Jiggy-Wiggy... :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: ADAM...

SnapshotMan: Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'll go now.

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, take me with you!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: ...Whew. Peace at last. I like it. :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hey, I never did get my pizza...

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oi, shit-face! GIVE ME MY PIZZA!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**


	10. Chat 10

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

HEEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Amanda. :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Hi, John :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: I wanna play a game.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh no…why do I have to play again? Was once not enough for you?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Nope :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, FML.

HEEERESJOHNNY: What is 'FML'?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Fuck my life.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hmm, sounds like something you'd say.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What the hell is that supposed to mean?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Nothing, nothing…By the way, where is my pepperoni pizza?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Right fucking here!

**ForgiveNForget has signed on.**

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYYYN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: That is not a pepperoni pizza. That is Jeff Denlon. Sadly, he is not edible.

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda, I do believe I want a refund.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FML.

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: AMANDA! Put it AWAY…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mark won't be very happy if you start dyeing his quilt collection red again…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FML. FML!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, why did I ever pick YOU to be an apprentice? You suck! You can't even make me a damn pepperoni pizza!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Get used to me, because I'm not going anywhere.

HEEERESJOHNNY: NOOOOOOO!

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYN!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, yeah. I'm so smart. :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: What do you keep saying, Amanda? F-M-something…what was it?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FML.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, okay. FML then.

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: FML- Feed My Llama! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh my God! You have a llama? :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Yes! I named it Chris Brown!

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Seriously?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yes, that's right. Forget the ever-so-important female psychopath, whose name is-

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYYN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: If you prefer.

Dr. Peg-leg: XD

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Okay! Wait…what?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, FML.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has set her status as away.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh my God…does she have a llama too? :3

HEEERESJOHNNY: You know, I don't think she does. I think she's trying to be a try-hard.

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, well. I'm cooler :D I have a llama :3

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: LLAMAS ROCK! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: AGREED!

SnapshotMan: Guess what? :D

Dr. Peg-leg: What, my llama-loving-sweetpea?

SnapshotMan: I saw this show, and the statistics said that people that kiss more are happier people!

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh my God, REALLY? :3

SnapshotMan: Yes!

Dr. Peg-leg: Let's waste no more time!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hmm… maybe I should get a llama…

ForgiveNForget: LYYYN!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Jeff, I want something from you.

ForgiveNForget: LYYYYN- what?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Make me a pepperoni pizza, and buy me a llama. :D

ForgiveNForget: I FORGIVE YOU!

**ForgiveNForget has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Does that mean he's going to get me those nice things? :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, I can't WAAAIT! :D

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You're a stupid serial killer. Geez, you get excited about PIZZA, for God's sake…

HEEERESJOHNNY: I find pizza very tasteful! :O

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: How about llamas then?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I do not eat llamas. I am not Hannibal Lector. I am not a cannibal.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I see…

HEEERESJOHNNY: :D

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Can you do ten pushups in ten seconds?

HEEERESJOHNNY: What kind of question is that?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: An appropriate one. Well, CAN you do ten pushups in ten seconds?

HEEERESJOHNNY: …piranha.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: What kind of answer is that?

HEEERESJOHNNY: An appropriate one. ;P

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Why do you have Justin Bieber hair?

HEEERESJOHNNY: …I don't! …Do I?

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: No, you don't, John.

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Phew!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Why do you like undressing people down to their underwear when you put them in traps, Jigsaw?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Interesting, eh? :P I thought you said naughty XD

ThemaninyourROOM: :P

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Are you a pervert, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: No! Of course not…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: That wasn't very convincing…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Holy shit Dr. Gordon's uploading LIVE FOOTAGE of him and Adam on YouTube! :D

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Don't tell me that! Damn it, I had no IDEA Adam was two-timing… :'(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O

Utterly_Relaxed: :'(

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Please stop staring, John; you're making me jealous… :'(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm sorry, Zep…I'll get off it right away…

ThemaninyourROOM: Good.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Is Jigsaw gay…? O.O

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is JOHN, you asswipe!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: His name is JIGSAW, you stupid I-got-bashed-in-the-head-with-a-toilet-lid man!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is JOHN!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: BITCH FIGHT! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Have you come to enjoy the theatrics as well, Daniel? :-)

Danny-boy87: Yup! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Does your father know you're here?

Dany-boy87: Uh…

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Guess not.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

Aggro_cop13: DAAAANIEEL!

Danny-boy87: WHAT?

Aggro_cop13: How did you get past all my security cameras?

Danny-boy87: …Dad, I have something to tell you…

Aggro_cop13: You've been screwing Amanda Young, haven't you?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

Danny-boy87: …NO.

Aggro_cop13: You're Yoda?

Danny-boy87: NO!

Aggro_cop13: Then what is it?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, Daniel, what is it?

Danny-boy87: …I'm a ninja.

HEEERESJOHNNY: OMG SO AM I!

Aggro_cop13: Is that all? I thought it'd be something major and likely to get me in trouble…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes, having a son who's a paid assassin isn't going to get you in trouble at all…

Aggro_cop13: Shut the fuck up!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

Danny-boy87: O.O They're still going…?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, Zep can go for hours, if you get my drift… ;P

Danny-boy87: O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: Haha :D

Danny-boy87: I think it's time for this ninja to disappear…

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Aw, now who am I going to listen to this bitch fight with? :(

HEEERESJOHNNY: I guess I'll just watch it by myself…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: JIGSAW!

ThemaninyourROOM: JOHN!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Give it up, Zep! You KNOW I'm more annoying than you are!

ThemaninyourROOM: Ah, you're just jealous that I get to spend more time with John than you do…and it's clearly made you into someone petty and ugly, and you were already ugly…Hehe…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Shut up!

ThemaninyourROOM: You shut up!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Shut up!

ThemaninyourROOM: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, God…not this shit AGAIN…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Shut up!

ThemaninyourROOM: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: FML! FML! FML! FML!

ThemaninyourROOM: ?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: ?

HEEERESJOHNNY: You guys have pissed me off! Go away!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Ain't that the truth!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: What-

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF's internet connection has failed. ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has been logged off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Zep, I'm tired. Leave me now.

ThemaninyourROOM: Sure. I'll just go and spy on someone having a shower, then…

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm really tired…

**HEEERESJOHNNY has set his status as away.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has returned from away.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: This is what you get for ignoring me for so long! XD

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has returned from away.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: WHY THE HELL IS MY HAIR BRIGHT PINK AND CUT LIKE JUSTIN BIEBER'S?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU AMANDA!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off. **


	11. Chat 11

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

**Smooookin' has signed on.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

HEEEERESJOHNNY: Greetings, and welcome. By now you are probably wondering where you are…

Dr. Peg-leg: We're all at the same internet café, John, you BASTARD FUCK!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: But…wasn't that _my _nickname? :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Calling your host a bastard fuck isn't very proper, Dr. Gordon…

SnapshotMan: You sound like you _admire_ this prick.

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

Smooookin': HELP ME! I'M NAKED!

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

HEEEERESJOHNNY: Excuse me, I am trying to give an extremely creepy yet incredibly awesome speech, so be good boys and girls and listen, okay?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda, its okay. Calm down. Take a few deep breaths…

Aggro_cop13: …You're not Jigsaw, BITCH!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now, where was I…?

Aggro_cop13: You hear me? You're NOTHING!

Danny-boy87: Dad, shut up!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now I remember! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: What are you doing to them, you bastard?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I don't have your freaking family!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Can I continue now?

Undercover_Badass101: Yes.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Good.

HEEERESJOHNNY: …I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room you die in…

SnapshotMan: …You mean I'm going to die in an internet café?

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Right now, you're breathing in a deadly nerve gas. You've been breathing it since you arrived here. Those of you who are familiar with the Tokyo subway attacks will know its devastating effects on the human body. Three hours from now, the door to this internet café will open. Unfortunately, you only have two hours to live. The only way to make it out that door is to find an egg. Several are hidden around this…internet café. Live or die, the choice…is yours.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: That's the stupidest game I've ever heard of. Nerve gas has already been done, you stupid old man!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, well, I liked how it worked out the first time, so I wanted to do it again :D

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Is there any point to this game, Jigsaw?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

Aggro_cop13: You're not Jigsaw, BITCH!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: :O How did you know?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I'm confused…

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Don't forget the rules :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES!

Undercover_Badass101: This game is playing out better than I expected :-)

Smooookin': …I'm in terrible agony…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not my problem, you Edward-hating-human-torch!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Anyway, back to the original question, Jigsaw-

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Alright, JOHN, then. Why are we searching for eggs if we're breathing in a deadly nerve gas?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, the eggs are for me. I'm going to collect them from your cold, dead fingers, and then I'm going to eat them :D

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Why couldn't you have just bought a packet from the supermarket? Why this elaborate game?

Dr. Peg-leg: What's wrong with this game?

SnapshotMan: Yeah, like, this is the most fun I've had without lubricant! :D

Undercover_Badass101: How do I look?

Danny-boy87: Well…disturbed, actually.

Undercover_Badass101: Excuse me?

Danny-boy87: Well…you haven't shaved for like, AGES…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O Isn't that something a WOMAN would notice, Daniel?

Aggro_cop13: Is there something you're not telling me, Daniel?

Aggro_cop13: Daniel? DAAAANIEL!

Danny-boy87: …What?

Aggro_cop13: DAAANIEL!

Danny-boy87: WHAT?

Aggro_cop13: …I found an egg! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, pass it over here, quick. :D

Aggro_cop13: NO! The egg is _mine! _

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No, it's mine!

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, hell no! It's a caramel one! It's _mine! _

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: _You _shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU SHUT UP!

Undercover_Badass101: SHUT UP!

HEEERESJOHNNY: _BOTH _OF YOU SHUT UP! I AM THE AWESOME CRIMINAL MASTERMIND, SO THE EGG IS _MINE!_

Smooookin': I…I want an egg…

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: There's one hidden behind your left ear.

Smooookin': Sweet :D How did you know where it was, Zep?

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you…

SnapshotMan: So that's what this is. Reality TV.

Smooookin': …Why are you spying on us?

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules…

Dr. Peg-leg: Thank you for that information, Zep. As you can see, our orderlies form very close bonds with the patients.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mark, since you love me so much, mind handing me that egg you found? ;)

Undercover_Badass101: …I haven't found an egg.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Not you! The other Mark! The human torch!

Smooookin': …No.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You don't mind? :D I knew you'd see it my way!

Smooookin': No, I meant that I'm not going to give you the egg.

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Excuse me?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THE FUCKING RULES!

Undercover_Badass101: If you choose not to, you will simply VANISH. Your body will never be found…

Smooookin': O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mark, Amanda, back off. I want to know what's up Mark's whatever-his-last-name-is ass. Tell old John all your problems, buddy! I'm a medical professional in these matters!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Medical professional, my ASS.

Undercover_Badass101: Fuck off.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Wait-

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF's internet connection has failed. ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has been signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: GO THE HOFF! YOU KICK ASS, MAN!

Undercover_Badass101: …Be quiet or I will cut you!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: O.O

Aggro_cop13: HAH! YOU'RE NOT JIGSAW, BITCH!

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, human torch Mark, what's the matter? Why won't you give me your egg?

Smooookin': …Because I found it. Therefore, it's _mine. _

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! IT'S _MINE!_

Undercover_Badass101: It's _mine!_

HEEERESJOHNNY: IT'S _MINE, _DAMMIT!

Undercover_Badass101: It's _MINE! _

Smooookin': Actually, it's _MINE! _

HEEERESJOHNNY: Adam, what do you think?

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, _you're _no fun! :(

SnapshotMan: Shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: You shut up!

SnapshotMan: No, _you _shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: YOU SHUT UP!

Dr. Peg-leg: Don't frown, Adam. It's bad for your wrinkles! :O

Utterly_Relaxed: Jigsaw is a lost cause in that area :P

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: HEY! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS! :'(

Smooookin': The egg is mine :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It's all right, Jiggy-Wiggy, I'm here for you :D

SnapshotMan: You know the shit's hit the fan when AMANDA is comforting someone…

Undercover_Badass101: So true…

HEEERESJOHNNY: …You're not my apprentice anymore, so stop sucking up to me, shit-face. And STOP CALLING ME JIGGY-WIGGY!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But I thought it was kind of cute :-(

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm not supposed to be CUTE! I am a person who messes with peoples' heads! I am EVIL!

Utterly_Relaxed: So he admitted it at last… :D

Undercover_Badass101: Don't go all hyper on us, Mallick. Just relax.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yeah, you sound it ;)

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you all and your fucking plan! :'(

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Woo! Someone has died my deadly nerve gas! I'm so happy! :D More eggs for me!

Dr. Peg-leg: I have a question.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yes?

Dr. Peg-leg: Since I'm your most loved apprentice, do I get to stay alive and eat the eggs with you? :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Sure ;)

Dr. Peg-leg: Yay!

SnapshotMan: Since I'm obviously the most awesome character in this whole series, can I stay alive and eat the eggs with you as well? :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! YOU BROKE MY TOILET LID!

SnapshotMan: …I said I was sorry… :'(

Dr. Peg-leg: Adam can't stay alive and eat eggs with us?

HEEERESJOHNNY: No, he cannot.

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: HOW DO I OPEN IT?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Open what?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: This egg wrapping. I can't open it…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Woo! Another egg for me! :D

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Huh?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Game over.

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU's internet connection has failed. The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has been signed off.**

Danny-boy87: I just think I should go back to mum's early.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, please do. I want more eggs :D

Aggro_cop13: What did you say?

Danny-boy87: What, can you not hear me?

Aggro_cop13: No, I can't hear you. SAY IT AGAIN!

Danny-boy87: I said, I THINK I SHOULD GO BACK TO MUM'S EARLY!

Aggro_cop13: Well then, GO!

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, I do love chocolate! :D

Aggro_cop13: Daniel? Daniel?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Lost him again, have you? XD

Aggro_cop13: WHERE IS HE, YOU JUNKIE BITCH?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: RIGHT FUCKING HERE!

**Aggro_cop13's internet connection has failed. Aggro_cop13 has been signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: That wasn't very nice, Amanda.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: That's right. I'm a murderer.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Damn right you are. I despise murderers, by the way.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …SHIT!

SnapshotMan: XD

Dr. Peg-leg: XD

Undercover_Badass101: XD

Smooookin': XD

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'm going to go dye something red… :'(

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, _hell no!_ STAY AWAY FROM MY QUILT COLLECTION!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Get used to me, 'because I'm not going ANYWHERE.

Undercover_Badass101: NOOO! BARBIE! I'LL SAVE YOU!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Hehe XD

Smooookin': God, you are so evil…

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, thank you. I do my best :D

Smooookin': O.O

SnapshotMan: Yes, Lawrence is a bad boy ;)

Smooookin': O.O You mean like Jigsaw?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: O.O No, not that way…gross…

Smooookin': I'm confused…

HEEERESJOHNNY: As am I. Let's talk about something less…weird, shall we?

Dr. Peg-leg: Like what?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, I still want to know why I can't have Mark's egg.

Smooookin': You wouldn't like it.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Rubbish! I'm a chocoholic! :D

Smooookin': That's not the reason why I think you wouldn't like it.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, shoot. Tell me.

Smooookin': It's a Team Jacob egg.

HEEERESJOHNNY: O.O

SnapshotMan: XD

Dr. Peg-leg: XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: YOU CAN KEEP YOUR DAMN EGG!

Smooookin': Yay! Can I go now?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I think that's for the best. You…and your egg can go die in a hole now…

Smooookin': TEAM JACOB RULES! :P

**Smooookin' has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! DON'T SAY THAT!

SnapshotMan: XD

Dr. Peg-leg: XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, hey. I have a secret :P

Dr. Peg-leg: ooh, do tell :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: I am the Easter Bunny!

SnapshotMan: O.O

Dr. Peg-leg: O.O

SnapshotMan: AAAAARGH!

Dr. Peg-leg: AAAARGH!

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Haha, I love Easter time XD

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off. **


	12. Chat 12

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hello, Mr. Hindle. Or, as they called you around the hospital-

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: Mr. Potato Head! :-)

ThemaninyourROOM: My name is not Mr. Potato Head. It's bastard fuck, get it RIGHT!

Danny-boy87: So you'd prefer to be called bastard fuck then?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Um…

ThemaninyourROOM: After being called 'bastard fuck' so many times by Dr. Gordon, it just feels right, you know?

Danny-boy87: Can I write that down?

ThemaninyourROOM: Why would you want to write that down?

Danny-boy87: Oh, I'm doing a survey for my school.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, excuse me…

ThemaninyourROOM: What the hell sort of survey are you doing?

Danny-boy87: We-ell…

HEEERESJOHNNY: WOULD YOU ALL STOP IGNORING ME? I AM JIGSAW: AN EVIL CRIMINAL MASTERMIND THAT LIKES EGGS! YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME!

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Danny-boy87: I AM doing something!

ThemaninyourROOM: Asking perverted questions, that is.

HEEERESJOHNNY: STOP IGNORING ME! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO WRITE THIS SPEECH OUT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA? DO YOU?

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: It took him a full two minutes to come up with that!

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on. **

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch! It's survival of the fittest!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No, he's not! He wants us to survive this!

SnapshotMan: By listening to a speech?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you…

Danny-boy87: May I ask you a personal question, Jigsaw?

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No, he's not! He wants us to survive this!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm not interesting? :O

ThemaninyourROOM: I think you are VERY interesting, John..

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

SnapshotMan: How- how the fuck do you KNOW that?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Because I have eyes.

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: Stop stealing my lines! :'(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: It's a GAME, tweaker! The less you know about me, the better!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Unfortunately, I already know way too much about you…

SnapshotMan: Yeah, that tends to happen when you start a career as a stalker/murderer, Jigsaw.

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

ThemaninyourROOM: Geez, why can't you losers get it RIGHT?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

ThemaninyourROOM: Huh?

SnapshotMan: I do have a toilet seat handy ;)

ThemaninyourROOM: Not the toilet seat! :O

**ThemaninyourROOM has set his status as away.**

**Dr. peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this! You BASTARD FUCK!

SnapshotMan: Uh, Lawrence, Zep isn't here…

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

Danny-boy87: Hey, John, aren't you going to answer my survey?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: RELAX!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: STOP STEALING MY LINES!

SnapshotMan: But it's part of our plan for world domination..

Utterly_Relaxed: Fuck you all and your fucking plan!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: All right. Since my apprentices and numerous victims apparently have nothing better to do than freak out, I'll answer your question to pass the time.

BehindyourMIND: Fuck this, man.

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

**PeepingTom has signed on.**

PeepingTom: Yeah, that's a good idea :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: No, that's not a good idea...

**PeepingTom has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amanda, seriously, I am a fifty-something-year-old. I can take care of myself. I'm a big boy.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: The note said not to use the key…

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, you sound it.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: SHUT UP!

Undercover_Badass101: SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: _SHUT UP!_

HEEERESJOHNNY: Honestly, why did I pick such retarded apprentices?

Danny-boy87: How does that make you feel, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Amused…yet annoyed.

SnapshotMan: Oh, God. Daniel's taken over as counsellor. Kill me now.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up, Adam!

SnapshotMan: You bitch! You tried to kill me in that damned bathroom!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Go fuck yourself.

SnapshotMan: Give me some lube, and I'll get someone else to. ;)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Like who?

Dr. peg-leg: Need you ask? :-)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: O.O

Danny-boy87: O.O

Undercover_Badass101: O.O

SnapshotMan: :P

Dr. Peg-leg: I was just joking…

HEEERESJOHNNY: I am disturbed…

SnapshotMan: Honestly, Jigsaw, you watch people kill themselves, and you're disturbed by _that? _

**ThemaninyourROOM has returned from away.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Dr. Peg-leg: Zep! You perverted little psychopath! I'm gonna take great pleasure in seeing you pay for this! You BASTARD FUCK!

ThemaninyourROOM: :O

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh dear…

ThemaninyourROOM: That insult is music to my ears! :D

Dr. peg-leg: I'm glad you like it, because you're gonna be hearing it a lot more!

HEEERESJOHNNY: What the hell?

Danny-boy87: How does this make you feel, John?

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: You're not getting away, Zep! Not this time! This time you've gone too far!

SnapshotMan: What'd he do?

Dr. Peg-leg: He touched…

SnapshotMan: Oh God…

Dr. Peg-leg: …my SPOON.

SnapshotMan: Not the spoon! :O

Dr. Peg-leg: Yes. He won't get away this time, Adam!

SnapshotMan: What, are you going to chase after him?

Dr. peg-leg: What, using my cane?

SnapshotMan: Good point…

Dr. Peg-leg: I'll bring someone back, I promise…

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Lawrence! I NEED YOU!

SnapshotMan: NOOOOOOOOOO!

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Odd. My apprentices are all so very odd...

Undercover_Badass101: I'm not odd. I'm just a badass ;)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Uh, yeah, you ARE odd, Hoffman. You collect quilts and Barbies. I'm pretty sure I saw a Barbie quilt in your room somewhere…

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: _YOU _shut up!

Danny-boy87: Uh, John…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You're an ass, Hoffman.

Undercover_Badass101: I know YOU are, but what am I?

NOTAJUNKEIBITCH: You're a nerd.

Undercover_Badass101: I know YOU are, but what am I?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I know you are, but what am I?

Undercover_Badass101: I know YOU are, but what am I?

HEEERESJOHNNY: KILLING IS DISTASTEFUL!

Danny-boy87: ?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ?

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, I heard…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Good! Daniel is trying to ask me some questions. If you all can't be mature like me, then you need to leave.

Undercover_Badass101: Okay, okay… just keep Amanda away from me.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Asshole!

Undercover_Badass101: …

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh God…

Undercover_Badass101: I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

Danny-boy87: Can you ten push-ups in ten seconds?

HEEERESJOHNNY: What kind of question is that?

Danny-boy87: Can you do ten push-ups in ten seconds?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I don't intend to mock you, officer, but I'm a cancer patient.

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: Give me that sweet cancer!

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO! THE CANCER IS _MINE! _

SnapshotMan: Damn it…

**SnapshotMan has signed off. **

Danny-boy87: Amanda, you said you survived this, right?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Fuck you, Hoffman!

Undercover_Badass101: Are you offering? ;)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I what, Daniel?

Danny-boy87: You said that you've played before, and that you survived…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah.

Undercover_Badass101: So you _are _offering?

Danny-boy87: So that means we could survive too, right?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Only if you buy earplugs.

Danny-boy87: Huh?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because Hoffman rambles on about Barbie too much…

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up, Amanda!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

Danny-boy87: John, have you ever questioned your sexual orientation?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Unlike Amanda, no, I have not.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Yeah…Wait- WHAT?

Danny-boy87: How does that make you feel?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hmm…how do I say this…

Undercover_Badass101: Holy shit, Amanda! I had no idea you were lesbian! :O

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'M NOT A LESBIAN!

Undercover_Badass101: Can anyone confirm that?

Danny-boy87: ?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I feel like John Kramer; full of John Kramer-ness! :D I do things John Kramer-fully!

Danny-boy87: Nice…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: John can confirm that I am not a lesbian.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Can I really? Hmm, no, I don't think I can…

Undercover_Badass101: And to think that I was going to hit that thing tonight… O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: Do you like how brutality feels, Mark?

Undercover_Badass101: No, not really…

HEEERESJOHNNY: And by the way, the blade on your pendulum was inferior.

Undercover_Badass101: So I've heard… :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: In fact, your very _ideas _are inferior to mine! In more ways than one ;)

Danny-boy87: Oh God…

HEEERESJOHNNY: I feel like a pizza. Bitch, get me a pizza!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Who, me?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I don't see any other bitch here who works at Pizza Hut.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Uh, yeah, about that…

HEEERESJOHNNY: What, Amanda?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I was fired last week.

HEEERESJOHNNY: But how else am I supposed to get a pizza?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Well, you could phone Domino's and order one.

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, because that's going to work. God, Amanda, don't you know how ordering a single pizza can ruin your life?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You're still dragging your knuckles on the ground. What do you know about life?

Undercover_Badass101: Hey, I'm impersonating a gorilla. I don't usually walk like this!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Why are you trying to impersonate a gorilla?

Undercover_Badass101: I'm pretending to be Amanda.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up, Hoffman!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You shut up!

Danny-boy87: How does this make you feel, John?

HEEERESJOHNNY: I feel like I should have picked more mature apprentices…and I also feel like you are seriously annoying me.

Danny-boy87: Those types of cameras don't have sound.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You're making no sense…

Danny-boy87: I don't think we should stop…

HEEERESJOHNNY: You're disgusting! Go away!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Game over…

**Danny-boy87's internet connection has failed. Danny-boy87 has been signed off.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you…

HEEERESJOHNNY: WHY ARE YOU WEARING MY TUTU'S, ZEP?

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I think I need to get Adam back in here with the toilet lid…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Goodbye, beloved retarded apprentices. I'm off to deal with Zep now.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Bye, John! :D

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: God, you're such an idiot, Amanda.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I am not!

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, you are. John just called you retarded, and you didn't even notice!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What's 'retarded' mean?

Undercover_Badass101: Read the papers. I saved that little girl.

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: But seriously, what does it mean?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'll go look it up…

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has set her status as away.**

**Dr. peg-leg has signed on.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I brought someone back, Adam! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh wait…he's signed off. Anyway, here you go, Strahm, Perez! :D 

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: What do you make of this conversation, Perez?

ShrapnelHURTS: …This may take some time.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has returned from away.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'm never going to forgive you, John! :'(

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shit!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: You're that chick that works at Pizza Hut, yeah? How much for a peanut butter pie?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Uh…


	13. Chat 13

_XxX_

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: You know why you're here, don't you?

SnapshotMan: If this is about the time I puked green slime everywhere and masturbated with a crucifix, it was my first keg party, Jigsaw! :-(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, no, Adam, I was not referring to that particular incident... O.O

SnapshotMan: Oh. Okay.

HEEERESJOHNNY: They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But I find it somewhat distasteful to be given credit for work that's not mine. Especially INFERIOR work!

SnapshotMan: Hey, dude, the guy calls himself Bob and hands me the money up front. Two hundred bucks a night. If I'd known I was gonna end up here, I would have asked for a hell of a lot more!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, good. Here's someone who will kick your ass, Adam! :D

Undercover_Badass101: Who said Adam's work was inferior? :O

SnapshotMan: Hey, bub. :P

Undercover_Badass101: So, I really enjoyed last night :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: O.O

SnapshotMan: Oh, so did I :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: YOU STOLE MY MAN-WHORE, ADAM! GET OFF OF MY CORNER! _NOW!_

SnapshotMan: So that's what this is. Reality TV.

HEEERESJOHNNY: For the last time, Adam…STOP THROWING ROCKS AT MY CAMERA! :'(

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Undercover_Badass101: And what did you have in mind? :P

BehindyourMIND: O.O Uh, not that…

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15-hooker gang bang!

HEEERESJOHNNY: We don't care what you think! :'(

SnapshotMan: Dead bodies look different in real life. They don't move :O

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off. **

HEEERESJOHNNY: :O Since when have I been a dead body?

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Since Jeff-whatever-his-last-name-was sliced your neck with a saw! :-D

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name was Jeff Reinhart. He was not a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Stupid Zep, trying to perv on my Adam through the shower curtain! THAT'S MY JOB!

Undercover_Badass101: So unprofessional…if you want to look professional, doctor, you have to pay! :D

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT!

Undercover_Badass101: Read the papers. I saved that little girl. So, unless you've got something else to say…back the fuck off.

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Lawrence, you forgot to pay! :O

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I can see you…

SnapshotMan: O.O

SnapshotMan: Stop annoying me, Zep! I'm going to get Lawrence back for not paying me! :/

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: He's an ambitious young lad :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh. Yeah. Right. …Wait…WHAT?

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Say what? =/ I am totally confused right now. Which is not a position a mastermind of seven horror movies likes to be in! =/

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

HEEERESJOHNNY: We've got it all ass-backwards here…

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: What the HELL are you singing?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: Shut the fuck up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: :O

HEEERESJOHNNY: :'(

HEEERESJOHNNY: I only want to know what the hell kind of retarded song Xavier is singing!

Aggro_cop13: You kill my son, I kill you.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN' TIME, I DON'T HAVE YOUR SON!

Aggro_cop13: Well, where else could Daniel be? He's obsessed with you!

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Right fucking here!

Aggro_cop13: Uh…why are you showing me a photo of Disney Land?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because that's where I've sent him. Since I've been…fired…from my previous jobs-

Undercover_Badass101: Since you tried to molest the customers, you mean.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut the hell up, Hoffman! I didn't try to molest anyone!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Or did you…?

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Why are you on HIS side, Jigsaw?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

Aggro_cop13: Yeah, we don't need to know every detail of your disgusting fantasies, Zep…

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm on Hoffman's side because, despite months going by, I am STILL waiting for that pizza I ordered, Amanda! That is unacceptable!

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah…you…JUNKIEBITCH :P

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

Aggro_cop13: Oi, that's my insult! :/

Undercover_Badass101: I'm sorry, but it was so cool, that I just HAD to use it! :D

Aggro_cop13: DANIEELLL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: It seems that Eric is preoccupied with the thought of his son being with Amanda. Personally, I don't blame him.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: So what's this I hear about Amanda trying to molest her customers?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DID NOT MOLEST ANYONE, AND I AM NOT A JUNKIE BITCH!

Aggro_cop13: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Aggro_cop13: By the way, yes you are. I said it in Saw 3, so it's official that you are in fact a junkie bitch.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Haha, Amanda, you just got OWNED.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up, Zep! And why the hell are you in my room AGAIN?

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: It's the rules…

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: JOHN…

HEEEESJOHNNY: What? It IS the rules.

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter :D

Undercover_Badass101: Picking on poor, defenceless Zep…you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Amanda!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up, Hoffman!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up, molester!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: SHUT UP!

Undercover_Badass101: _YOU _SHUT UP!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: NO, YOU SHUT UP!

Aggro_cop13: By the way, where IS my son? :/

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: RIGHT FUCKING HERE!

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Danny-boy87: Hey, Dad.

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Danny-boy87: Howdy from Disney World! :D

Agro_cop13: DANIEEL!

Danny-boy87: Oh, GOD…

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL! :'(

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: If you're trying to distract us from the fact that you molest people, Amanda, it's not working.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T-

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: My God, Strahm, if it's taken you _this _long to figure out who we all are…you…you're retarded.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How did you walk out of that building?

Undercover_Badass101: How did you? :D

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: On a gurney with a fucking hole in my throat!

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, ENOUGH with the weird random banter you two always have when you're both logged on! We were discussing Amanda's molestation tendencies…

Undercover_Badass101: Ah yes, you're right.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How do I open it? TELL ME HOW TO OPEN IT!

HEEERESJOHNNY: What are you trying to open?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: This camera. It has photographic evidence that Amanda was in fact trying to molest her customers.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T MOLEST PEOPLE! _**JESUS!**_

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Praying won't help you now, you junkie bitch!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I AM _**NOT **_A JUNKIE BITCH! CAN YOU NOT SEE MY USERNAME?

Undercover_Badass101: Denial is the first sign of admittance. I learned that from my twenty years as a cop ;D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU shut up!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Why do I have such…_retarded_ apprentices? :/

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm pretty sure no-one can help me now.. :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: _YOU _shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: YOU SHUT UP!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: TELL ME HOW TO OPEN IT!

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, God…Strahm, I have an idea.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: ?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: …That's great, Strahm. Really great. Anyway, here's the plan: we temporarily join forces to open this camera, and prove once and for all that Amanda is not who she says she is.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: …

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, come on, Strahm. Please? :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: SHUT UP!

Undercover_Badass101: NO, YOU SHUT UP!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: …Fine. But don't tell Lindsey. I don't want her to think I'm weird or anything…

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Pretty sure she already does :D Anyway, let's open this camera already!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …There's photographic evidence? O.O

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

**HEEERESJOHNNY has set his status to away.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has set his status as away.**

Undercover_Badass101: …Ho-hum.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: WILL YOU STOP SINGING THAT FUCKING SONG?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO DO!

**BehindyourMIND's internet connection has failed. **

**BehindyourMIND has been signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Why so tense, Amanda? :P

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …I'm not going to talk to you, Hoffman.

Undercover_Badass101: You're so childish! D: You should be more mature, like me. ;D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

Undercover_Badass101: John and Strahm have been gone a long time…I wonder what they're doing? O.O

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

Undercover_Badass101: Don't you want to know, Amanda?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

**HEEERESJOHNNY has returned from away.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has returned from away. **

HEEERESJOHNNY: We got it open! :D

Undercover_Badass101: Good work!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: How did you walk out of that building? :-)

Undercover_Badass101: …How did you? :-)

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh my God, are you two actually GETTING ALONG? O.O

Undercover_Badass101: …Absolutely NOT. Can we get to humiliating Amanda now?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh yes, of course…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …

HEEERESJOHNNY: Strahm, if you'll do the honours :D

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: All right! Here, I'll email these pictures to all of you. Even Amanda, because I know she REALLY wants to know what happened the other day… :P

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh God…

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has set his status to away.**

Undercover_Badass101: God, I can't wait :3

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has returned from away.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Sent :D

Undercover_Badass101: Let's examine the damage, shall we?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: This ain't some fucking murder investigation, Hoffman!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I beg to differ…my God, that's DISGUSTING! X.X

Undercover_Badass101: I think my brain has melted… X.X

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I got you, you motherfucker!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I might just have to turn the computer off and sit in the corner for a while…I think I'm scarred for life…

Undercover_Badass101: Mind if I join you?

Undercover_Badass101: And Amanda, molesting old men that RESEMBLE John while eating pizza is just…wrong… X.X

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FIX ME, MOTHERFUCKER!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I am sorry, but I think you're beyond repair, Amanda…

Undercover_Badass101: …I think I'll go sit in the corner and play with my Barbies-I mean, go and try and un-scar myself from that traumatic experience…

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: It's just us and you, Amanda… :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FUCK!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm afraid that won't work, Amanda. I hot-wired the computer so that you can't log out. :-)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, God…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Strahm?

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Amanda Young, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can be used against you. You have the right to an attorney. If you do not have on, one will be provided for you by the city. Do you understand your rights as I have said the, Miss Young?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …Am I seriously being arrested?

HEEERESJOHNNY: No, we just wanted to see the expression on your face when Strahm said that ;)

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FUCK!

HEEERESJOHNNY: High five, Agent Strahm :D

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Guy power ;D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Indeed. Oh, the power of photoshop! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: What are you saying?

HEEERESJOHNNY: …Nothing, nothing!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Yeah, we totally didn't photoshop pictures of you and then said you were molesting people…no WAAAY…

HEEERESJOHNNY: STRAHM! Shush!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Good riddance, you assholes!

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

BehindyourMIND: Introvert, extrovert, doesn't matter! :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh HELL NO!


	14. Chat 14

_XxX_

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: Is this the place?

Dr. Peg-leg: I dunno yet.

SnapshotMan: How can you not know? Jigsaw was the one who gave you the address for this party of his-

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I just woke up here, just like you!

SnapshotMan: …You woke up in a hooker's bar? =/

Dr. Peg-leg: Are you a hooker now, Adam? ;)

SnapshotMan: What the hell are you talking about? I AM NOT A HOOKER!

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Oh yeah? :P

Dr. Peg-leg: :O

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Seriously, Lawrence, we didn't come here to argue about who's a hooker and who's not. We came for Jigsaw's-

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: -Party! =/

Dr. Peg-leg: I AM thinking about that!

SnapshotMan: Then why are you arguing with me?

Dr. Peg-leg: Because arguing with you is fun :D

SnapshotMan: It's gonna be a long whatever-this-is…

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me. I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: …Oh, God. If we have to party with HIM, I might as well leave now…

Dr. Peg-leg: DON'T LEAVE ME!

SnapshotMan: You'll have to persuade me NOT to leave ;D

Dr. Peg-leg: I'm very good at that ;)

SnapshotMan: Bring it on! ;)

**SnapshotMan has set his status as away.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has set his status as away.**

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

**ShrapnelHURTS has signed on.**

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Greetings, and welcome. I trust you all know why you are here…

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Because we have problems, right?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, yes, you do all have problems! I'm astounded you know that! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: You are SMART little retarded victims of mine! I'm so proud!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Oh, thank you, John. It's a talent of mine.

Undercover_Badass101: Yes, we know :P

Utterly_Relaxed: How the- how the fuck do you KNOW that?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Because I have eyes, idiot!

Utterly_Relaxed: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Relax, Mallick. Just re-laaax…

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ShrapnelHURTS: It's okay, Mallick. Just go to your happy place…

Utterly_Relaxed: It's impossible to have a happy place when you're sitting at a computer next to the guy who cut my arm in half!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Oh, for fuck's sake, Mallick! RELAX!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Undercover_Badass101: You sure as hell don't sound it, buddy.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Mallick, I have an idea.

Utterly_Relaxed: You do?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Oh my bloody God, Strahm can actually THINK! It's amazing!

Undercover_Badass101: Hey! Don't talk to him that way!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Are you actually standing up for Strahm, Hoffman?

Undercover_Badass101: Read the papers. I saved that little girl. So, unless you've got something else to say…BACK THE FUCK OFF.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: I hate it when Hoffman's got his angry face on. He scares me! :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: What is with Zep today? He doesn't listen to me AT ALL :O

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I listen to you, John! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: For the last time, you're not my apprentice anymore, so stop sucking up to me, bitch! And I STILL haven't gotten any pizza! Seriously, you suck.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: :O

Undercover_Badass101: Strahm, proceed with the plan.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW- Oh, right. Mallick, just imagine yourself in Adam's arms. That's anybody's happy place! :D

Utterly_Relaxed: …And you know from personal experience?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: IT'S SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: …I'd rather not answer that at this time.

Utterly_Relaxed: Okay. Well, I'll give it a try.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yay! Happy times are here!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I'm sorry, but what the fuck?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, right, I forgot you have a small brain. Let me refresh it: I called you all here today for the purpose of taking part in my party!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Why are we having a party? Have you turned a billion years old or something?

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO!

ILVOETOPISSYOUOFF: And it's too early to be a Christmas party, Jigsaw.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Very interesting, indeed…;)

ThemaninyourROOM: O.O

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Seriously, Amanda, if you can scare Zep, then you might be a little too retarded to be here at my party…or, well, whatever this is!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13: YEAH, YOU…**JUNKIE BITCH!**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M **NOT **A JUNKIE BITCH!

HEEERESJOHNNY: That's what you say! XD

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Seriously, guys, I'm not a drug user anymore…so why do you still call me a junkie bitch?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Because it's fun. And you suck.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Haha, LOL, agreed.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: Zep's down with the teenage talk! XD

HEEERESJOHNNY: I always thought LOL meant 'lots of love.'

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Huh. So that's why you always wrote 'From Jigsaw, with LOL' on the jigsaw-shaped pieces of flesh we found at each crime scene, eh?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yeah! I wanted to be awesome and nice and send you guys a thoughtful message!

ShrapnelHURTS: So that's why the sentence never made any sense…

HEEERESJOHNNY: I'm not following you, Agent Perez.

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Undercover_Badass101: Amanda's desperate. Do her.

BehindyourMIND: This is bullshit! I'm disturbed! :'( O.O

ShrapnelHURTS: Well, according to our database, the word 'LOL' does not stand for 'lots of love.' It stands for 'laugh out loud.'

HEEERESJOHNNY: Huh. So that's why everyone thought I was evil…they thought I was laughing at them.

ShrapnelHURTS: Precisely.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Get a clue, you fucking bitch! It's survival of the fittest!

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ShrapnelHURTS: What, learning how to speak teenage-speak?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: Oh, you're asking for it, woman!

Undercover_Badass101: Back the fuck off, Charles…or…I'll…poke you…in the… eye!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: RAPE!

Undercover_Badass101: What the hell?

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: HOFFMAN'S A RAPIST!

Utterly_Relaxed: Oh hey, Charles, you know, just re-lax.

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Utterly_Relaxed: I love annoying Charles. :P

HEEERESJOHNNY: I am going to try out my new teenage-speak skills. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Aggro_cop13: Jigsaw's got the hang of it! XD

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Hey, why isn't Daniel talking?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

Aggro_cop13: WHERE IS HE YOU JUNKIEBITCH?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T HAVE YOUR FRIGGIN' SON! I SWEAR!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, and Amanda sure does like to swear. I wouldn't trust her, Eric.

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: HE'S SITTING NEXT TO YOU, YOU RETARDED COP!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL! DON'T SUCCUMB TO HER! SHE IS A RAPIST!

Undercover_Badass101: Haha, looks like Eric wasn't the only one who got those emails… hehe…

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Oh, I do love photoshop.

Undercover_Badass101: So do I! :D

The-man-who-are-obsessed-with-YOU: Oh, we are awesome! :D

Undercover_Badass101: Overflowing with sexiness! XD

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Indeed!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: O.O

Undercover_Badass101: O.O

Utterly_Relaxed: O.O

Aggro_cop13: O.O

BehindyourMIND: O.O

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: O.O

HEEERESJOHNNY: O.O

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: O.O

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Amanda is freaking me out…

Undercover_Badass101: Agreed.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Let's blow this joint.

Undercover_Badass101: Agreed.

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: AMANDA, WHAT HAVE YOU _**DONE? **_YOU SCARED THEM AWAY! YOU SUCK MAJOR BALLS!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: They were annoying me.

Utterly_Relaxed: Everyone annoys you, because you suck.

HEEERESJOHNNY: You now have my undying respect, Mallick. :D

Utterly_Relaxed: Uh…yay…I think?

Aggro_cop13: WHERE'S MY SON, YOU JUNKIE BITCH?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, that's right, we were picking on Amanda! XD

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I DON'T HAVE DANIEL! I SWEAR!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Stop swearing, Amanda! You are scarring my earholes! :O

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

Utterly_Relaxed: Hey, that's my line! :O

Danny-boy87: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE?

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh…you're asking US?

Danny-boy87: Yes.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, Daniel, I'm glad you asked. Since I am most obviously the smartest person here, I am the best person to ask. Never ask Amanda that question, because she'll just say 'drugs.'

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: I AM NOT A JUNKIE BITCH!

Aggro_cop13: Yeah, you are.

ShrapnelHURTS: Sorry Amanda, but yes, you are.

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: ARGH!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: FML!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: See, Daniel? Amanda is obviously deranged. Come with me for a bit, and I will explain the meaning of life to you clearly.

Danny-boy87: Okay…

Utterly_Relaxed: Oh wow, that doesn't sound good…

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEL!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Mallick, my respect for you has just been taken back. That comment was not called for.

Utterly_Relaxed: Dammit!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now come with me Daniel, and I will explain everything.

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

**Danny-boy87 has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEL! :'(

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: You do know he's about to raped, right?

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Unless you WANT your head to pop off like a dandelion.

Utterly_Relaxed: Oh, shut up, Charles! I'm sick of your crap!

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF's internet connection has failed.**

**ILOVETOPISSYOUOFF has been signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: Go Mallick! :D

Utterly_Relaxed: Thanks! You know, for once I actually feel relaxed! :D

Aggro_cop13: Nice.

Utterly_Relaxed: I think that meditation CD that Jigsaw gave me-

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

Utterly_Relaxed: -Really worked! :D

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed off.**

Aggro_cop13: Right, so where was I?

Aggro_cop13: I remember!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Aggro_Cop13: …

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL? :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: You know, if you really want to know what's going on, you could always borrow some of my equipment, if you like.

Aggro_cop13: Oh, thanks! :D What kind of equipment?

ThemaninyourROOM: Well, let's just say that I use it a lot…

Aggro_cop13: Okay :D

ThemaninyourROOM: But Jigsaw's- sorry, JOHN'S- speech about life never really gets interesting until towards the end. So, by tomorrow afternoon, that's when Daniel will start paying attention. So, do we have a deal?

Aggro_cop13: To start spying on Daniel tomorrow afternoon?

ThemaninyourROOM: Yep.

Aggro_cop13: It's a date, then.

ThemaninyourROOM; REALLY? :D

Aggro_cop13: Uh, no, not really…O.O

ThemaninyourROOM: Darn…

Aggro_cop13: Uh, I'll just get going now…

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

ThemaninyourROOM: And to think that I actually thought I was going to get lucky! :'(

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed off.**

**SnapshotMan has returned from away.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has returned from away.**

Dr. Peg-leg: I thought you said that you WEREN'T a hooker, Adam? XD

SnapshotMan: Yeah, well..


	15. Chat 15

_XxX_

**BehindyourMIND has signed on.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has signed on.**

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: I wanna play a game….

BehindyourMIND: Like what?

ThemaninyourROOM: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

BehindyourMIND: Hey, that's MY line!

ThemaninyourROOM: Don't look at me, I can't help you.

HEEERESJOHNNY: Okay, guys, this is not how it's supposed to go. I say I wanna play a game, and you guys are supposed to be quiet and listen to me, NOT bitch about whose lines are whose! Jesus! Can't a criminal mastermind catch a break these days?

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: That's generally not how it works, Jigsaw.

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Uh, obviously you DON'T, Strahm. Zep looks nothing like me…:/

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: A VERY interesting person…:P

HEEERESJOHNNY: O.O

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: John, come baaack! :O

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I GOT YOU! YOU MOTHERFUCKER!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed off.**

BehindyourMIND: Well, this is just great. Jigsaw and Strahm are gone...

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

BehindyourMIND: …Who are we going to play with now? Hoffman trashed the Backgammon set that time he cracked it over Amanda's head, the Trouble set is in pieces, and I can't find the Snakes and Ladders board game anywhere…I bet Adam and Lawrence took it! They're always taking weird-ass things and playing with them. THIS IS BULLSHIT!

ThemaninyourROOM: Um, Xavier?

BehindyourMIND: What?

ThemaninyourROOM: STOP BITCHIN' ABOUT IT AND LET'S DO SOMETHING! :P

BehindyourMIND: …I hate you. -_-

**XxX**

**BehindyourMIND is idle.**

ThemaninyourROOM: I got a pocket, pocket full of sunshine, I got a love that I know is all mine! Ohh! Whoa-ohh!

**Utterly_Relaxed has signed on.**

Utterly_Relaxed: What the fuck? :S

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Doctor Gordon, this is your wake up call. Every day of your working life, you have given others the news that they're gonna die soon. Now YOU will be the cause of death…

Utterly_Relaxed: Uh, I'm not Doctor Gordon…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Just relax, doctor, and let me finish.

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: …When did you get so temperamental?

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM NOT DOCTOR GORDON! AND I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, then, who the hell are you? Get off the Saw set!

**The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU has signed on.**

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh, good. Who is he?

ThemaninyourROOM: His name is John. He's a very interesting person.

HEEERESJOHNNY: I KNOW WHO I AM! I KNOW!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

Utterly_Relaxed: I'M MALLICK, GODDAMMIT!

**BehindyourMIND is no longer idle.**

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it and let's DO something!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I know who I AM, dammit! I meant that loser who claims he's doctor Gordon!

BehindyourMIND: Stop bitchin' about it!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Shut up! …Or I'll get Daniel to kill you. AGAIN.

BehindyourMIND: …

HEEERESJOHNNY: Yeah, you're not so tough now, hey, big guy? YOU GOT KILLED BY A KID! .

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Man, what a loser! :O

Utterly_Relaxed: I know, right? XD

BehindyourMIND: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Why, what are you going to do, KILL ME? :P

BehindyourMIND: I will if you don't shut up!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: OVER MY DEAD BODY!

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

**BehindyourMIND has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: Well, that's reassuring. :/

ThemaninyourROOM: Hey, guys, guess what?

HEEERESJOHNNY: Now, back to the matter at hand: Who the hell IS this poser? Look at him! He's just like Adam!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Minus the hooker-ness. Oh, and I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

Utterly_Relaxed: -_- I'M MALLICK SCOTT, DAMN YOU!

ThemaninyourROOM: Hey, guess what guys? :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: He's Justin Bieber, right? :D

Utterly_Relaxed: NO! I LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM! DX

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Uh, no, John…

HEEERESJOHNNY: Oh! I've got this one! Johnny Depp, right? :D

Utterly_Relaxed: NO!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Uh, no…O.o

HEEERESJOHNNY: Is he Reece Mastin? :O

Utterly_Relaxed: MY NAME IS MALLICK SCOTT, DAMN YOU!

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: Hey, Reece/Johnny/Justin, it's okay. Just try and relax, okay?

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM FUCKING RELAXED!

HEEERESJOHNNY: I don't like this game :O

Utterly_Relaxed: Neither do I.

ThemaninyourROOM: GUESS WHAT? DX

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! I KNOW!

HEEERESJOHNNY: IS HE KEIRA KNIGHTLEY? XD

Utterly_Relaxed: -_-"

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: YOU'RE MALLICK SCOTT! :D

HEEERESJOHNNY: NO WAY, REALLY? :O

Utterly_Relaxed:…

HEEERESJOHNNY: So, Mallick, how long have you been here? :-)

Utterly_Relaxed: I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT MY NAME IS MALLICK FOR AGES! WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU GUYS LISTEN TO ME! MY DAMN NAME IS MALLICK SCOTT, AND I SURVIVED SAW FIVE! FUCK YOU!

HEEERESJOHNNY: Hey, no need to be so harsh…:'(

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: I think I liked him better when he was masquerading as Johnny Depp…

Utterly_Relaxed: I AM NOT JOHNNY DEPP! MY NAME IS MALLICK FUCKING SCOTT! GODDAMN IT!

HEEERESJOHNNY: :'(

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: :O

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: :'(

Utterly_Relaxed: HAVE YOU TWO LOSERS GOT THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD?

HEEERESJOHNNY: :'(

The-man-who-is-obsessed-with-YOU: :'(

Utterly_Relaxed: -_-

ThemaninyourROOM: Guess what, guys?

Utterly_Relaxed: …What? -_-

ThemaninyourROOM: STOP BITCHIN ABOUT IT AND LET'S DO SOMETHING!

Utterly_Relaxed: …-_- That's it.

**ThemaninyourROOM's internet connection has been disrupted.**

**ThemaninyourROOM has been logged off.**

**XxX**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Let's see…I have seventy of Barbie…and twenty of Dora…that makes…

Dr. Peg-leg: Holy crap, I didn't know you could count, Hoffman! :O

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up! HOLY CRAP THAT'S NINETY QUILTS ALL UP! O.O

Dr. Peg-leg: O.o

Undercover_Badass101: Yeah, you're proud of me, right? :D

Dr. Peg-leg: …I really think you need to start killing people again, Hoffman. .

Undercover_Badass101: Why? What's wrong with Barbie and Dora? :'(

Dr. Peg-leg: Well, you've got too much of the same damn thing! And you burst into tears when you thought Jigsaw ran over your Christmas Barbie sets! I mean, come on! The least you could do is start making some My Little Pony quilts! :'(

Undercover_Badass101: My Little Pony…?

Dr. Peg-leg: Yeah, it's the new rage. Zep has some posters of it strung up in his room! :D

Undercover_Badass101: What the crap were you doing in his room? :/

Dr. Peg-leg: Not for THAT, damn it! He chipped a nail, and he wanted me to look at it :/

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, okay ^_^ So, does that mean I have to start liking My Little Pony now? :D

Dr. Peg-leg: Yep, right away! ^_^

Undercover_Badass101: I'M GOING TO GO BUY SOME RIGHT NOW! :D

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Game over, Hoffman. NOW YOUR BARBIES ARE MINE! MWAHAHAHAHA!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed on.**

Aggro_cop13 Dude, that evil laugh was such a fail.

Dr. Peg-leg: Shut up. I'm working on it! :O

Aggro_cop13: Have you seen Daniel, by the way? :O

Dr. Peg-leg: Yeah, I think I saw him go toy shopping with Hoffman.

Aggro_cop13: …

Dr. Peg-leg: ?

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL!

Dr. Peg-leg: Oh, god: I knew the silence was too good to be true….

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEEEEEL!

Dr. Peg-leg: You know, you really suck at being a cop..

Aggro_cop13: Hey, it's called being a father! :O

Dr. Peg-leg: Well, in that case, you're better at being a cop :P

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEEL! DANIEEEL! I MUST FIND YOU, DANIEEEEEL!

Dr. Peg-leg: If you hurry, you might be able to catch him! :D

Aggro_cop13: DANIEEEL!

**Aggro_cop13 has signed off.**

Dr. peg-leg: Now, I have to steal these Barbies before anyone notices…

**Dr. Peg-leg has set his status as away. **

**Dr. Peg-leg has returned from away.**

Dr. Peg-leg: Haha, yes, they're mine! ALL MINE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! XD

Dr. Peg-leg: Look at that lovely blonde hair! And those big blue eyes! Oh, and the clothes are so lovely…:3

**SnapshotMan has signed on.**

SnapshotMan: Uh, Lawrence…REALLY? :S

Dr. Peg-leg: OMFG O.O

SnapshotMan: Saywhatnow? :S

Dr. Peg-leg: No-one's supposed to know my grand master plan! :O I don't REALLY like Barbie, but I'm stealing them away from Hoffman to cure his sickness!

SnapshotMan: Sickness…?

Dr. Peg-leg: Yeah, ever since Hoffman became obsessed with Barbie and Dora the Explorer, he's been replacing the Billy puppet with…ugh…I can't bring myself to say it…X.x

SnapshotMan: You can tell me, Lawrence. :-)

Dr. Peg-leg: Well…he's been…replacing Billy with pictures of Barbie and Dora! Jigsaw's reputation has gone down the sink! People just aren't dying anymore! Or, well, if they ARE dying, they're dying of laughter, not from some genius deathtrap that Jigsaw created. It's so depressing :'(

SnapshotMan: Wow..you had me worried for a moment there, Larry . Anyway, Hoffman's a freaking BEAST. If you steal all his dolls, he's just going to sit on you. Maybe do something else to you as well… ;D

Dr. Peg-leg: FUCK THIS SHIT! Everything has been pre-thought out by him…

SnapshotMan: You sound like you admire this prick! :O

Dr. Peg-leg: HOFFMAN! YOU BASTARD FUCK!

SnapshotMan: Oh my God, Lawrence, please no: DON'T….!

**Dr. Peg-leg has signed off.**

SnapshotMan: Well, putting them through the garbage disposal is just gonna piss Hoffman off more…Larry won't be able to walk properly for a week! .

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: …Did someone put my dolls through the garbage disposal? :O

SnapshotMan: Wasn't me, Hoffman! . Larry took them, he did! Please don't rape me again! :O

Undercover_Badass101: It's not rape if you like it ;P

SnapshotMan: Yes, well…that's not what everyone else thinks, and I didn't do it! Go after Larry! Please! I have a hot date with Mallick this afternoon! :O

Undercover_Badass101: …If you insist.-_-

**SnapshotMan has signed off.**

Undercover_Badass101: I can't believe it…

Undercover_Badass101: !

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRBIEEE! I WILL AVENGE YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!

Undercover_Badass101: BARRRRRBIIIIEEEE!


	16. Chat 16

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed on.**

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: So, Amanda, who's a better villain? Me or John?

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: OMFG, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU EVEN ASK THAT!

Undercover_Badass101: I know, I'm just SOOOO awesome…:3

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: You wish, shithead. No, I meant John! I mean, SERIOUSLY? How do you and John even compare? John doesn't collect quilts or Barbies, for one thing. =D

Undercover_Badass101: I'll have you know that I don't collect either of those anymore, Amanda. Doilies and Bratz Dolls are all the rage now. God, are you really that stupid?!

NOTAJUNIEBITCH: You still collected them! Haha, you pussy!

Undercover_Badass101: Shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: YOU shut up!

Undercover_Badass101: No, YOU shut up!

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

**HEEERESJOHNNY has signed on.**

Undercover_Badass101: Oh, good. John can kick your arse now, Amanda. :D

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: Come on, John, tell him! Tell him that you rule over Hoffman anytime as a bad guy! Come on! :3

HEEERESJOHNNY: …

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …What? O_O

HEEERESJOHNNY: KILLING SOME LADDIIEESS~ AWE, AWE, AWE, AWESOME JIGSAW STYLE! 3 :D

**Undercover_Badass101 has signed off.**

NOTAJUNKIEBITCH: …Yeah, you know what, I think Hoffman's looking like a better leader right about now…

**NOTAJUNKIEBITCH has signed off.**

HEEERESJOHNNY: AWESOME JIGSAW STYLE! XD

**XxX**

**A/N: Short, I know, but I HAD to. ^_^ Come on, everyone loves Jigsaw Style! xD **


End file.
